Stage One: One Direction Lou?
aka One Direction Who
You've heard their songs on the radio before. You've seen their pictures. But there is a moment. There is always a moment that changes everything. Perhaps you're in a certain mood when their song comes filtering through your ancient car radio speakers, and suddenly everything just clicks. Or maybe you watch them live. The sparks fly through your computer screen and light your heart on fire. They're just so full of energy! Or maybe an obsessed friend finally convinces you to watch an interview of theirs and, just like that, you're a goner. No matter how it happens, it's a very important moment indeed. And the firecracker beginning to what's sure to be a life-changing and (let's be honest) mostly one-sided love affair. Life will never be the same.
How will you know? I mean, I can't answer that for you. You'll just know:
Stage Two: The Harrymoon Phase
aka The Honeymoon Phase
Much like the time right after two people are married, the honeymoon—er, harrymoon phase is comparable to walking around in super furry, cloud-like Ugg boots or eating fourteen cupcakes in a row without caring because it's your birthday (which I do not recommend doing). You're head-over-heels. They can do no wrong. You basically hole up in your room for approximately five weeks and live on snack foods, bottled water and chocolate. You may also wear an adult diaper if you prefer never to leave your bed, but that is an extreme measure and only for the most infatuated.
How will you know? Well, for about 35 days (give or take) you'll look something like this. All. The. Time: 
Stage Three: I Must Have Liam
aka I Must Have Them
Dude, you've spent so much time with the boys by now, they practically feel like yours. You must have them! Or be betrothed to them. Either way, now you're just a bit on the possessive side. Like, to the point where if somebody says they like them, you contemplate tackling that fool to the ground and threatening bodily harm unless they swear to never speak of them again. Or something. Maybe you'll go the less less violent route and roll your eyes.
How will you know? You'll know you've entered stage three when you start looking at people like this for no apparent reason, even if they haven't mentioned One Direction. You'll give them this face, anyway. Just in case: 
Stage Four: They'll Never Feel Anyzayn For Me
aka They'll Never Feel Anything For Me 
This is when you enter the depths of your self-pity, because you've spent so much of your time on them and they're never going to love you, not ever, no matter how much you want them to. Because firstly, you'd have to actually meet them (unless some scientist invents cloning, which you're more than willing to invest in), and then they'd have to fall in love with you, and you only look really good about ten percent of the time, so the changes are like one in twenty-five thousand that you'll look decent when you meet them. Or around that. You're not really good at math. And, ermahgod, what if they like smart girls? Then you're doomed. You're just doomed.
How will you know? Well, sometimes you'll just be sitting perfectly happy one moment and the next sobbing your eyes out and screaming "WHYYYY?" at the ceiling: 
Stage Five: It'll Niall End
aka It'll Never End 
You've pretty much been on an emotional roller-coaster for the past few months of your life. But no matter what, one thing has been constant: your love for One Direction. And you realize, staring up at the sky as the sun sets and transitional piano music plays in the background, that it'll never end. You will always love them.
How you know? Because you will love them so much, you'll just want them to be happy. You'll just want them to be complete. And you'll do this a lot: 
Meanwhile, One Direction are laughing their asses off because GUESS WHO GETS THE MONEY, HONEY?! Them!
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