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    Updated on Aug 3, 2020. Posted on Jul 31, 2020

    My Mom Didn't Let Me Watch "The Simple Life," And After Watching The First Ep, I Know Why

    "What is Walmart?"

    It's a known fact among my friends and coworkers that I LOVE reality television, but I'm playing catch-up on some iconic shows since my mother didn't allow me to watch "wild white people actin' a fool" in her home.

    Fox

    Which, you know, she paid for, so fair.

    But my dear friend recently alerted me to the fact that The Simple Life is now available to stream on Amazon Prime, and I was over the moon:

    Ehis Osifo/BuzzFeed

    So, I decided there's no time like the present to embark on some of the missed shows and movies from my childhood, and I'm starting off with The Simple Life:

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    Now, here's what I THINK the show is about: Paris (of, I think, the Hilton hotels) and Nicole (daughter of Lionel Richie) are hella spoiled, so they're sent to rural America to learn the value of a dollar.

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    I saw that movie, Cow Belles, and I feel like there's a lot of similarities between the two.

    So, without further ado, here are my thoughts on the pilot of The Simple Life*:

    *Sorry in advance, mom.

    OK, so apparently Paris and Nicole challenged THEMSELVES to living on a farm for 30 days with none of their upper-class amenities.

    Nicole and Paris sharing that none of their friends have faith in them living the simple life.
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    Like...y'all were already famous? You didn't need this gimmick for a reality show. But hats off to them for trying something new!

    #Feminism!

    Nicole and Paris laying on a fancy bed and saying they're going to prove their haters wrong.
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    This may be a leap, but I don't think anything at Dior is going to be suitable for the farm life.

    Nicole shopping for unnecessary things at Dior.
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    "They're farm material."

    Fox, CBS

    OMG! It's Esai Morales!

    Esai Morales and Nicole and Paris's going away party.
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    Loved his brief stint on Criminal Minds.

    Aunt Kathy, there are people who are dying.

    Paris' Aunt Kathy talking about not being able to live without a cellphone.
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    ...the human body literally cannot survive more than three weeks without food, but okay.

    Whew chile.

    Paris not knowing how to drive a pickup truck.
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    I wish I could go back in time and warn Paris and Nicole about these two sons.

    Justin being a little too forthcoming in his intro package.
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    Sir, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

    I think I just became a vegetarian.

    Grandma preparing fresh chickens for plucking.
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    This is a valid question, TBH.

    Paris and Nicole getting educated about the properties of a well.
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    Their grocery store outing has Lucille Bluth energy.

    Fox, Fox / Netflix

    I didn't know where it would be, but I did not expect it to be in a jar.

    Paris inquiring about the location of pig's feet at the grocery store.
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    This content...cannot be made up:

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    They were $16 short for groceries and they were basically like, "Can you just give it to us?" I am weak in the knees.

    The moment when they were asked to prepare the live chicken? Iconic.

    Nicole refusing to pluck feathers off of the dinner chicken.
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    This was a cultural reset.

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    Baby Braxton killing all these bugs for Nicole and Paris is too precious for this world.

    Braxton swatting the flies and beetles in Paris and Nicole's shared room.
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    Who said chivalry was dead?

    OMG they're so sweet, IDK what my mom was so worried about...

    Paris and Nicole thanking their host family for taking them in.
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    ...and I spoke too soon.

    Nicole suggesting she and Paris have a threesome with Justin...which I hope they're joking about.
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    Wow. Okay. That was an EVENT. I understand why my mom didn't want my prepubescent ass watching this, but as a bored twentysomething in quarantine, I will be consuming this show like it's my job.

    Fox

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