My Mom Didn't Let Me Watch "The Simple Life," And After Watching The First Ep, I Know Why

    "What is Walmart?"

    Ehis Osifo
    by Ehis Osifo

    BuzzFeed Staff

    It's a known fact among my friends and coworkers that I LOVE reality television, but I'm playing catch-up on some iconic shows since my mother didn't allow me to watch "wild white people actin' a fool" in her home.

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    Which, you know, she paid for, so fair.

    But my dear friend recently alerted me to the fact that The Simple Life is now available to stream on Amazon Prime, and I was over the moon:

    Ehis Osifo/BuzzFeed

    So, I decided there's no time like the present to embark on some of the missed shows and movies from my childhood, and I'm starting off with The Simple Life:

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    Now, here's what I THINK the show is about: Paris (of, I think, the Hilton hotels) and Nicole (daughter of Lionel Richie) are hella spoiled, so they're sent to rural America to learn the value of a dollar.

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    I saw that movie, Cow Belles, and I feel like there's a lot of similarities between the two.

    So, without further ado, here are my thoughts on the pilot of The Simple Life*:

    *Sorry in advance, mom.

    OK, so apparently Paris and Nicole challenged THEMSELVES to living on a farm for 30 days with none of their upper-class amenities.

    Nicole and Paris sharing that none of their friends have faith in them living the simple life.
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    Like...y'all were already famous? You didn't need this gimmick for a reality show. But hats off to them for trying something new!

    #Feminism!

    Nicole and Paris laying on a fancy bed and saying they're going to prove their haters wrong.
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    This may be a leap, but I don't think anything at Dior is going to be suitable for the farm life.

    Nicole shopping for unnecessary things at Dior.
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    "They're farm material."

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    OMG! It's Esai Morales!

    Esai Morales and Nicole and Paris's going away party.
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    Loved his brief stint on Criminal Minds.

    Aunt Kathy, there are people who are dying.

    Paris' Aunt Kathy talking about not being able to live without a cellphone.
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    ...the human body literally cannot survive more than three weeks without food, but okay.

    Whew chile.

    Paris not knowing how to drive a pickup truck.
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    I wish I could go back in time and warn Paris and Nicole about these two sons.

    Justin being a little too forthcoming in his intro package.
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    Sir, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

    I think I just became a vegetarian.

    Grandma preparing fresh chickens for plucking.
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    This is a valid question, TBH.

    Paris and Nicole getting educated about the properties of a well.
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    Their grocery store outing has Lucille Bluth energy.

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    I didn't know where it would be, but I did not expect it to be in a jar.

    Paris inquiring about the location of pig's feet at the grocery store.
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    This content...cannot be made up:

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    They were $16 short for groceries and they were basically like, "Can you just give it to us?" I am weak in the knees.

    The moment when they were asked to prepare the live chicken? Iconic.

    Nicole refusing to pluck feathers off of the dinner chicken.
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    This was a cultural reset.

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    Baby Braxton killing all these bugs for Nicole and Paris is too precious for this world.

    Braxton swatting the flies and beetles in Paris and Nicole's shared room.
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    Who said chivalry was dead?

    OMG they're so sweet, IDK what my mom was so worried about...

    Paris and Nicole thanking their host family for taking them in.
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    ...and I spoke too soon.

    Nicole suggesting she and Paris have a threesome with Justin...which I hope they're joking about.
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    Wow. Okay. That was an EVENT. I understand why my mom didn't want my prepubescent ass watching this, but as a bored twentysomething in quarantine, I will be consuming this show like it's my job.

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