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    Allie And Noah From "The Notebook" Are An Awful Couple, And Here's Why

    Broke: Noah Calhoun, woke: Lon Hammond, Jr.

    Hello, ladies and germs. It me, back at it again with another pop culture hot take. This edition? The Notebook.

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    I recently rewatched what I THOUGHT was one of my fave romantic movies starring one of my fave couples, Allie and Noah. But, upon rewatch, I realized something...


    ...and that something is that Noah FRIGGIN' SUCKS and Allie hecked up when she chose him over Captain Lon Hammond, Jr.

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    Let's dive right in, shall we?

    1. For starters, Noah was rude. As. Fuck. His and Allie's first interaction was him interrupting her while she was on a date with someone else.

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    Like, no Noah. She doesn't wanna dance in the middle of a fair with you, the stranger, when she's out with her friends. And, oh, there's no music!

    2. Also, he's impulsive. A little spontaneity here and there can be cute, but threatening to kill yourself if someone doesn't go out on a date with you is BONKERS and INAPPROPRIATE.

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    Words cannot describe the audacity of white men, honestly.

    3. Meanwhile, when Lon asked Allie out for the first time? She told him to get better first and then they could go out on a date. And you know what he did? HE WAITED PATIENTLY WHILE HE GOT BETTER AND THEN ASKED HER OUT APPROPRIATELY.

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    Patience is a virtue, one that Noah does not possess.

    4. When Allie was TRICKED into going on a date with Noah – their friends set it up without her knowledge – HE ALMOST GOT HER KILLED!

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    Everyone always thinks the scene of them lying in the street and watching the traffic light change is rOmAnTiC. It's not. It's boring, dirty, and oh, yeah, dangerous! You know, on account of the fact that CARS DRIVE on that street. Ugh, Lon would never.

    5. Allie and Noah fought incessantly. You call it passion. I call it grounds for separation.

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    Right after they fought, they would, ahem, ~make up~. No talking about what the fight was about, no resolution. Not a marker of a healthy relationship, IMO!

    6. Allie and Lon, however? They wittily bantered! They conversed! They danced — to music!

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    What a man, what a man, what a man, what a mighty good man.

    7. Look at this visual representation of Allie and Noah not belonging together.

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    Oil and water, if you ask me.

    8. Lon and Allie knew the meaning of boundaries. When Allie needed to "clear her head," Lon 100% understood and gave her her space.

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    We love a man who just understands. No questions asked.

    9. Noah? He's never heard the word boundary. Case and point: this "iconic" scene. Oh they're kissing in the rain! NO. He's kissing an engaged woman!

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    Don't get me wrong, Allie is equally wrong here. But, this just goes to show that bad decisions go hand in hand with Noah Calhoun.

    10. But the real reason Lon is better than Noah? Lon's simply more mature. When Allie told him about her tryst with Noah, he was shockingly mature about it. Upset, but rational.

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    Lon loved Allie, but loved her enough to *sniffles* let her go. He knew that forcing her to be with him was going to make neither of them happy. Me? I would have needed no convincing whatsoever. Noah who?

    11. Noah on the other hand was immature and spiteful. When Allie said she needed time to think things through, Noah said some messed up shit.

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    I believe Noah's exact words were, "If you leave me, I'll hate you" and "He's got a lot of money!" So, in one fell swoop, he gives her an timely ultimatum and implies that she's a gold digger. And this is supposedly the woman you love? Oh, okay.

    So yeah, Allie ends up with Noah, the bearded nub who spent the past few years drunk and creepily building a house for her.

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    Like, does he have a job?

    Meanwhile, poor Lon got the short end of the stick, when his only crimes were falling in love with the wrong girl and having piercing blue eyes that stare into your soul.

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    At the end of the day, Lon DESERVED BETTER! For those cheekbones alone! I know he's a fictional character and all, but homeboy can like, get it.

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