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    I Watched The First Episode Of "Squid Game" Because Everyone Keeps Talking About This Dude With The Red And Blue Card

    I was...not prepared.

    🚨WARNING: Spoilers ahead, obvs.🚨

    Hello, dear reader! Tis I! Back at it again with another "I watched this so you don't have to" post. For over a week now, I've been hearing multiple people talk about this show called Squid Game, so I decided to take a look!

    Photo of me eating a pumpkin-shaped candy corn
    Ehis Osifo / BuzzFeed

    Right off the bat, I'll admit that I do not know a DAMN THING about this show. Is it a game show? A drama? A comedy? An aquatic documentary? Who's to say!

    Fox / Comedy Central

    So, even though no one asked, I decided to watch the first episode of the series and give you my thoughts anyway:

    Before we jump in, here's the synopsis that Netflix gives for Squid Game:

    Summary card for Squid Game
    Netflix

    "Hundreds of cash-strapped players accept a strange invitation to compete in children's games. Inside, a tempting prize awaits — with deadly high stakes." 

    Initial thought: I didn't know that this show was in Korean!! But I am HERE FOR IT! I love that a foreign show is getting all this buzz!

    Golden Globes

    Thirty seconds in and I can already do this:

    A flashback of kids playing a game on top of a meme of Leo DiCaprio pointing at a screen
    Netflix / Sony Pictures

    This dude (aka Gi-hun, our protagonist) is tryna steal money from his mom's bank card! I am straight-up not rooting for this mans:

    Gi-hun attempting to withdraw money from his mother's ATM card
    Netflix

    Sadly, Gi-hun figured out the pin — it was changed from his birthday to his daughter, Ga-yeong's, birthday. The very daughter he should be out buying a present for and instead is using those funds to bet on the fuckin' ponies. SMH. I won't be mad if he dies. 

    I am so mad Gi-hun won, but HOPEFULLY he uses his winnings to buy Ga-yeong a really nice birthday present:

    Gi-hun collecting his winnings from the teller
    Netflix

    Gi-hun's bookies are chasing him for the money he owes — and, TBH, I don't condone gambling, but I'm not upset about this man getting his ass kicked — and while on the run, he bumps into this kid who I FEEL LIKE is going to come back into play:

    A close-up of a young girl
    Netflix

    You don't linger on someone like that for a one-off. 

    I WAS RIGHT! The kid stole his money!

    Gi-hun realizing he was robbed
    Netflix

    Get ur bag, chile. 

    OK, now I feel bad.

    Netflix

    This is terrifying. 

    OK, they're giving him a month to get the funds, but sir, DON'T SIGN ANYTHING WITHOUT READING IT FIRST!

    A close up of a contract
    Netflix

    "Disclaimer of physical rights." THIS! IS! SUS!

    Ga-yeong is an icon and deserves a better father than Gi-hun:

    Ga-yeong reading her dad to filth
    Netflix

    Icons only. Also, quelle surprise, Gi-hun not only didn't get her a gift, but he couldn't even buy her the fried chicken that she wanted! 

    THINGS ARE HAPPENING!!

    A man asking Gi-hun if he wants to play a game
    Netflix

    Gi-hun has a month to pay back these gangsters AND his mom! Not to mention he gave his daughter a shitty birthday, so methinks he's going to play this game and get some mula, baby!

    My mind immediately went to this. Just sayin':

    Lionsgate

    This seems sus...but I obvs want him to play because I gotta see how this pans out:

    The man holding up two cards in Gi-hun's face
    Netflix

    Red pill, blue pill.

    WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT READING BEFORE YOU SIGN SOMETHING?

    The man asking Gi-hun about the contract he signed
    Netflix

    Sure, you won money in a slap game, but now this stranger OWNS YOUR BODY, SON!

    Gi-hun is gonna play the ~mysterious~ game in order to win money to get his daughter back / keep her from moving to America with her mom and stepdad.

    Gi-hun on the phone
    Netflix

    I also assume paying off his debts has something to do with it too. But still, this is the most valiant thing he's done all episode. 

    Holy shit. That is a lot of people participating in this game...

    Gi-hun waking up in the dorm room for the players
    Netflix

    There are 456 people to be exact. 

    OMG, IT'S THE KID FROM EARLIER!

    The kid confronting a man she's wronged
    Netflix

    "I didn't run away — I just went independent." That's a baller line. But also, don't beat up a young girl. 

    OK, we're getting some rules! Six games over the course of six days, and if you win, you get money...

    The game makers explaining the rules to the players
    Netflix

    ...however, I don't think I'm going out on a limb when I say that there's NO WAY it's that easy. 

    Awe, sookie sookie, now!

    A screen of the players playing the "red card, blue card" game with the man
    Netflix

    They're all desperate...which means they'll do anything to win. 

    Another day — or rather, the same day — another signed contract without reading the fine print:

    A closeup of a contract that says Clause 1: a player is not allowed to stop playing
    Netflix

    This is ominous and is not going to end well. 

    OK, game one is "Green Light, Red Light!" Seems easy enough! I used to play this game as a kid:

    The game players getting ready to play their first game
    Netflix

    I dont like that they're saying, if you lose, you'll be "eliminated." Like yeeted from the game...or yeeted from life??? 

    Yeeted from life, got it.

    Netflix

    Yeah...when you move, you don't get kicked out of the game; you die. After the first person died, they all tried to escape, which is against the rules because you can't move until you're allowed! Needless to say...a lot of people died. 

    Big brother...or, I guess, big doll girl, is always watching:

    Netflix

    Work smarter, not harder. Hide behind someone so your movements can't be detected:

    The kid hiding behind her adversary
    Netflix

    I'm rooting for this girl. 

    WAIT, WHO IS THIS MANS?

    A stranger saving Gi-hun from death
    Netflix

    He's a STRANGER and saved Gi-hun from a certain death. I take it back; I'm rooting for HIM.

    HOLY. SHIT. Again, I didn't know what I was getting into when I first started this show, but now ya girl is HOOKED! I will say, if gore isn't your thing, maaayyybeeee stay away from this one, but if you don't mind bloodshed and twisted mind games, then this is the show for you!

    Netflix

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