12 "Game Of Thrones" Battles Ranked From "I Hate This" To "Certified Badass"

All men must die.

🚨SPOILERS AHEAD! Read at your own risk!🚨

Wowza. After this week's battle of epic proportions, I decided to rank all the major battles from Game of Thrones thus far.

12. The Battle of Winterfell

HBO

Ayyo, fuck Stannis B and his whole cast. Stannis killed his daughter, Shireen, to win this battle, and guess what? All your men were so disgusted, they deserted you and you lost the battle to Ramsay Fuckface Bolton in a pathetic defeat. The only silver lining was that Brienne was able to avenge Renly by killing Stannis.

Season 5, Episode 10: "Mother's Mercy"

11. Euron Greyjoy's Naval Attack

HBO

I DON'T LIKE SEEING THIS MAN SUCCEED! He's trash and anyone who follows him is trash. Not only did he kill/capture the few remaining Sand Snakes, he also captured Yara. This was a hard battle to watch because, had Yara's fleet not been ambushed, they could have taken Euron's fleet, no problem. And the cherry on top of this shitty cake? Theon had the chance to save Yara, but fled instead. So Euron won, Theon fled, and Yara was captured, all in one fell swoop.

Season 7, Episode 2: “Stormborn”

10. The Battle for The Wall

HBO

I'm still not sure what the point of this battle was was. Like, can't the wildlings and the rest of the people just get a long? There were bigger battles at hand, AKA the White Walkers! Also, my girl Ygritte died, at the hands of that traitor, Olly, no less. Then, it just...ended? Like, not entirely sure what the resolution was here, to be quite honest.

Season 4, Episode 9: "The Watchers on The Wall"

9. The Ambush in Daznak's Pit

HBO

Again, I don't like when the bad guys succeed! Also, if you're on the side fighting for slavery THEN YOU'RE ON THE WRONG SIDE. Dany gave y'all your fighter's pit back, and what did the Sons of the Harpy do? They staged a coup and attempted to kill all the defenseless people in the pit. The only good thing to come from this was Drogon coming out the cut and flaming all their asses, and then Dany riding him for the first time in the series. Still, a horrible means to get to an epic end.

Season 5, Episode 9: “The Dance of Dragons”

8. The Massacre at Hardhome

HBO

Bad guys succeeding — you already know how I feel about this. But still, my god. Massacre indeed. This battle was intense because this was the first time we could see the full power of the Night King. When homeboy raised his hands and rose all those dead folk, I was SHAKING. This is just a hard battle to watch because Jon and his crew were so underprepared.

Season 5, Episode 8: “Hardhome”

7. The Loot Train Attack

HBO

My, my, Miss Dothrakian Pie. Boy, do I love petty revenge. And, make no mistake, this attack was petty. Dany originally was supposed to dismantle the Lannister army lines after they took Highgarden from her, but got too power hungry and set them all ablaze instead. On one hand, all's fair in love and war. But, I would be a hypocrite if I stood here and condoned Dany's blatant advantage while I criticized Euron and the Sons of the Harpy. This wasn't so much a battle as it was a barbecue.

Season 7, Episode 4: “The Spoils of War”

6. The Frozen Lake Battle

HBO

Talk about rooting for the underdogs! Now we're talking. This battle had all the makings of a good one: a worthy cause (to capture a wight and prove that White Walkers are real), solid adversaries (the living vs. the dead), and a ~decent~ match up. Sure, the Night King had countless wights, but in comparison to Dany's three dragons (at the time), I'd say it was an even match. I'm honestly surprised my nerves were able to handle watching the entirety of this battle.

Season 7, Episode 6: “Beyond the Wall”

5. The Battle of The Green Fork

HBO

Epic in terms of fighting? Meh. Epic in terms of political savvy? HELL FUCKING YES. Don't get me wrong, it was sad that Robb sent 2,000 of his men to die at the hands of the Lannister army, but it was that small sacrifice that allowed Robb to take back Riverrun and capture Jaime as prisoner. The only reason why this work-smarter-not-harder battle isn't at the top is because this was the precursor to, *sniffles*, The Red Wedding. Robb made a promise to Walder Frey — which he obvs broke — in order to get Riverrun in the first place. So, this battle will always be tinged with sadness.

Season 1, Episode 9: “Baelor”

4. The Siege of Meereen

HBO

The Siege of Meereen solidified the end of slavery in Slaver's bay. Enough said.

Season 6, Episode 9: "Battle of the Bastards"

3. The Battle of The Blackwater

HBO

Oh my wildfire. This battle proved that Tyrion is more than his words — he's a man of action as well. When Cersei wanted to throw down the hatchet and flee, it was Tyrion who rallied the troops and had them stand tall, even when he took an axe to the face for it. Not to mention, he was the mastermind behind the wildfire — the only good use of wildfire in this series. Not gonna lie, I wasn't rooting for either side to win, just for Tyrion to come out on top.

Season 2, Episode 9: “Blackwater”

2. The Battle of Ice and Fire

HBO

Arya Muthafuckin' Stark. When all seemed to be lost and she came out the cut with that lil' knife switcheroo and stabbed the Night King. Whew chile. When I tell you I screamed. Never again question the power of Arya! She fought valiantly and hard. Not just during the battle, but since Season 1. Her entire life has, quite literally, led to this moment. All I can say is: Brava.

Season 8, Episode 3: "The Long Night"

1. The Battle of the Bastards

HBO

Now, yes, this was a long-coming battle between Jon Snow and that fucker, Ramsay Bolton. But this battle is not number one because of them. It's number one because Sansa came in and SAVED THE DAY! Sansa, the woman who, unlike Arya, hasn't been preparing for battle her entire life, nor did anyone expect to be of any use, was in fact the most use! She's the reason why the Stark's banner waves over the gates of Winterfell. Y'all better put some respek on Sansa's name.

Season 6, Episode 9: “Battle of the Bastards”

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