Netflix Dropped A Teen Show Called "Outer Banks," So I Watched The First Ep And Here Are My Thoughts

    This was a roller coaster.

    Ehis Osifo
    by Ehis Osifo

    BuzzFeed Staff

    Hello, world! My name is Ehis and there's nothing I love more than Quality Teen Content™. Obvi in these 'rona times, I am despacito for said content, so when Netflix dropped the first season of their newest teen show, Outer Banks, I was like, "Yeah, I'll take a look."

    Ehis Osifo / Via BuzzFeed

    AND THEN, when I saw the promo for this show, I IMMEDIATELY pressed play.

    Netflix @netflix

    just a quick tweet to thank the Outer Banks costume designer

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    Wowza.

    Like, I'm not entirely sure what it's about — what's an Outer Bank? Is there an Inner Bank? — but that hasn't stopped me before!

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    Even though no one asked, I decided to watch the first episode of the series and give you my thoughts anyway:

    Before we jump in, here's the synopsis that Netflix gives for Outer Banks:

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    "On an island of haves and have-nots, teen John B enlists his three best friends to hunt for a legendary treasure linked to his father's disappearance."

    Off the bat, we're talking about something called a "Pogue." What, pray tell, is a "Pogue"?

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    Is it an attractive youth who drinks PBR?

    OK, so "Outer Banks" is a place! Good to know.

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    Also, is it a real place? Because if it is — and the residents look like THAT — then I will be visiting.

    Mystery solved! Pogues are the "throwaway fish — lowest member of the food chain." C'mon, attractive boy who's name I don't know — you're better than that!

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    Apparently, attractive boy is named John B and he seems to be the leader of the Pogues, which consist of three other attractives named JJ, Kie, and Pope.

    RECORD SCRATCH. John B's dad disappeared at SEA? In this climate? In this economy?

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    "Who disappears at sea these days?" I HAD THE SAME THOUGHT, JOHN B!

    These fools are actually...out here...tryna surf...during a hurricane? All that PBR is going to their brains.

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    RECORD SCRATCH. Who is she? Is that the boat that John B's dad disappeared on?

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    I don't think they have cars in this town. Just boats and fish.

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    AHH! CHEKHOV'S BOAT!

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    I don't think I'm going out on a limb here when I say that this dead dude is the owner of that boat.

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    His name may be Scooter?

    Do I sense some ~*sPaRkS*~ between Kie and John B?

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    According to John B, there's no "Pogue-on-Pogue macking," but I don't think that rule is going to stand.

    Y'all...are getting your fingerprints all OVER this crime scene.

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    Are there no procedural dramas in Outer Banks, North Carolina?

    The cops are corrupt! Also, JJ, I get the money...BUT WHY WOULD YOU TAKE A GUN FROM A CRIME SCENE?

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    Confirmed: the dead body IS Scooter, and he was into some sus shit.

    I love how poor kids are always able to afford kegs. Like, those are expensive!

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    Also, who's buying beer for these teens?

    OMG, Kie's enemy is DEF gonna be John B's love interest later on in the season. I'm calling it now.

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    He works on her dad's boat. They're for sure gonna smash.

    This Topper dude is a DICK. Sarah needs to dump his ass and get with John B ASAP!

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    That was a low blow, my guy.

    IS NO ONE GONNA GO OUT THERE AND SAVE THEIR BOY?!

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    "Pogues for life" MY ASS....she said before JJ brings out that GUN. My my, Miss American Pie.

    OK, back to the dead body and the boat they found...what is the TEA? And why is the sheriff telling John B to keep hush-hush about it?

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    If two sus strangers show up and wanna help out regarding the $500,000 boat of a dead man, SEND THEM PACKING.

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    WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT KIE AND JOHN B!

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    Sarah, you're gonna have to wait your turn, honey.

    WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT THE TWO SUS DUDES ASKING TO HELP.

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    Why are they following the Pogues and WHY ARE THEY shooting at them??

    All this hoopla...for a compass?!?! I've seen it all...

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    ...RECORD. FUCKING. SCRATCH.

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    John B's dad is still ALIVE! IT'S LIT.

    Wowza. This show is A LOT MORE than attractive teens who don't wear shirts. There's romance, there's mystery, there's crime, there's intrigue! All I know is that I will definitely be watching Episode 2.