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The Internet Has Already Decided It's Not Watching "Songbird," Which Is A Disaster Movie About COVID

It's the "making a pandemic-thriller movie in the middle of a pandemic" for me.

No time for pleasantries, dear reader. We gotta dive headfirst into the mess. KJ Apa, Sofia Carson, Demi Moore, Alexandra Daddario, and Bradley Whitford are starring in a new film called Songbird:

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Right off the bat, I'm already wary, because "Three Little Birds" by Bob Marley is playing in the background throughout the trailer and I KNOW that every little thing is NOT gonna be alright:

Sara: I miss you. I could kiss you right now. Nico: Yeah, well. Someday
STX Films

The film follows Nico — who is immune to the virus, as is signaled by his yellow "Livestrong" bracelet — on his way to rescue his girlfriend Sara from the body snatchers/COVID police:

"I'm immune!"
STX Films

Sara's mother/grandmother/auntie — her status isn't confirmed in the trailer — has come down with the virus, and because of body scans via smartphones, the COVID cops are on their way to take Sara and her female relative to quarantine with the other infected people.

Apparently, this new mutation of the coronavirus — we're on COVID-23 in this timeline — attacks brain tissue. Not entirely sure what it does to the brain, but my experience with this kind of movie tells me that is not good:

STX Films, Warner Bros.

See: Contagion, The Happening, I Am Legend.

Now, I wish I could tell you more about what's going on, but I really can't, because the remainder of the trailer was a clusterfuck of images containing, but not limited to: a home invasion, a prostitution ring (???), and multiple explosions:

STX Films

OH, and also this guy? Not sure who or what he is, but I know his is NOT to be trusted!

A man gesturing menacingly
STX Films

ANYONE who makes finger guns is not to be trusted.

Naturally, because the internet exists, people have thoughts which they expressed in less than 280 characters:

The execs when no one goes to watch their pandemic movie in a theatre during a pandemic. #Songbird

@PopCrave @EW Daaaamn Covid didn't even have a birthday yet.

@PopCrave @EW Why the fuck would they make this right now.


@Songbird First Kim K, now Michael Bay. Reading the room should be offered as a high school elective.

I'm gonna be honest, am I going to watch this movie? POSSIBLY! But that's only because I need answers to these three specific questions:

One: Why can't Nico save Sara if he's just on the other side of her door?

STX Films

Like, just open the door?

Two: Why exactly is this movie called Songbird?

STX Films

PLS don't make this KJ Apa's third body of work where he plays an aspiring musician. I BEG!

And three: Why is Bradley Whitford starring in this movie the LEAST surprising thing about this movie?

STX Films

Somehow, before I even started watching the trailer, I knew.

Anyway, that's a movie that's coming out — 2020, man.

TV and Movies

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