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The Internet Has Already Decided It's Not Watching "Songbird," Which Is A Disaster Movie About COVID

It's the "making a pandemic-thriller movie in the middle of a pandemic" for me.

No time for pleasantries, dear reader. We gotta dive headfirst into the mess. KJ Apa, Sofia Carson, Demi Moore, Alexandra Daddario, and Bradley Whitford are starring in a new film called Songbird:

View this video on YouTube

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Right off the bat, I'm already wary, because "Three Little Birds" by Bob Marley is playing in the background throughout the trailer and I KNOW that every little thing is NOT gonna be alright:

Sara: I miss you. I could kiss you right now. Nico: Yeah, well. Someday

The film follows Nico — who is immune to the virus, as is signaled by his yellow "Livestrong" bracelet — on his way to rescue his girlfriend Sara from the body snatchers/COVID police:

"I'm immune!"

Apparently, this new mutation of the coronavirus — we're on COVID-23 in this timeline — attacks brain tissue. Not entirely sure what it does to the brain, but my experience with this kind of movie tells me that is not good:

Now, I wish I could tell you more about what's going on, but I really can't, because the remainder of the trailer was a clusterfuck of images containing, but not limited to: a home invasion, a prostitution ring (???), and multiple explosions:

OH, and also this guy? Not sure who or what he is, but I know his is NOT to be trusted!

A man gesturing menacingly

Naturally, because the internet exists, people have thoughts which they expressed in less than 280 characters:

The execs when no one goes to watch their pandemic movie in a theatre during a pandemic. #Songbird

@PopCrave @EW Daaaamn Covid didn't even have a birthday yet.

@PopCrave @EW Why the fuck would they make this right now.

@PopCrave @EW WHERE ARE THEIR MASKS?!

@Songbird First Kim K, now Michael Bay. Reading the room should be offered as a high school elective.

I'm gonna be honest, am I going to watch this movie? POSSIBLY! But that's only because I need answers to these three specific questions:

One: Why can't Nico save Sara if he's just on the other side of her door?

Two: Why exactly is this movie called Songbird?

Songbird

And three: Why is Bradley Whitford starring in this movie the LEAST surprising thing about this movie?

Anyway, that's a movie that's coming out — 2020, man.