1.
Me, in hell: I was told there would be a “special” place for me?
2.
I am a: ⚪️ Man ⚪️ Woman 🔘 Dumb bitch Looking for: ⚪️ Women ⚪️ Men 🔘 My keys that i had 2 seconds ago
3.
i havent fully stopped at a stop sign since i was born
4.
i’ll be laying next to my charger watching my phone die https://t.co/gtu3BDKsD7
5.
is my baby fat ever gonna leave or did it just turn into fat fat?
6.
your airport outfit is very important I don’t care what anyone says
7.
when u drop ur charger down the side of the bed in the dark
8.
Getting touched during heads up seven up was the last time i felt something
9.
i am: ⚪️ gay ⚪️ straight ⚪️ bisexual ⚪️ asexual 🔘 annoyed at people who tell me to stop bouncing my leg because it’s a distraction for them or because it bothers them— i’m sorry you don’t have anxiety susan, stop fucking judging me and let me be internally anxious in peace
10.
Does anyone actually know what you're suppose to do when people are singing happy birthday to you
11.
everytime the law & order theme song comes on
12.
I hate when my friends think they’re ugly, like why would I be friends with an ugly bitch ????
13.
Sitting on my parents bed for 20 mins before I ask them if I can hangout with friends because I was scared that they would say no https://t.co/xj1xxdCSIH
14.
them: "it starts at 5" me in my head: it's starts at 5 but i gotta be there by 4, so i have to leave the house at 3, so i have to start getting ready at 1, so i have to wake up at 11
15.
Yeah I’m DTF Doing The best I can and Fucking it up anyway
16.
Remember how in EASY A Emma Stone's parents were Stanley Tucci and Patricia Clarkson and all anyone wanted was a saucy bedroom romp about THEM or maybe that was just me?
17.
Today’s tea: ) ) ) ) ( ) ) _(___(____)____(___(__ _ \ you don’t hate / \ Nickelback / | \ you just do /____| \ as your / \ told / \___________/
18.
I feel like a lot of people are 23 for many many years and then suddenly they are 30 does this make sense?
19.
if you choose a table over a booth I can’t trust you
20.
Me showing my therapist my inner demons for the first time.
21.
bitches take their laptops and notebooks to coffee shops and get no work done while acting like they’re in an indie movie. i’m bitches.
22.
When you’re on a roller coaster and you know the camera is coming up
23.
YOU MISSPELLED ONE WORD ON SOCIAL MEDIA AND HERE COME AKEELAH AND THE BEE
24.
no one: me tryna find a song: 🌳 / 🚘 || \ / 🚘 \ "oh shit lol” 🌳 / 🚘 || \ / || \ 🌳 / || \
25.
Today I had 800 mg of caffeine, exercised for 2 hours, ate literally 80 pizza rolls, and did a facemask. The line between self care and self destruction is a fine one but god do I walk it hard brother
26.
me: *gets in uber* me: hi uber driver: hey me: driver: me: driver: *arrived* me: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
27.
Netflix should have a category called "easy to follow while looking at my phone the whole time"
28.
Girls don’t even be shopping, they just walk around touching clothes saying “this is cute”
29.
Adulthood is just saying “if I can just get through this week” over and over again until you die.
30.
when your playing “cards against humanity” and you think your card is hilarious and then the person reads it out loud and not a single person laughs yeah, that shit hurts
31.
my conversations w literally anyone: ⚪️ 🔵 🔵 🔵 🔵 🔵 ⚪️ ⚪️ 🔵 🔵 🔵 🔵 🔵 🔵 ⚪️
32.
I'm a huge fan of that post-laundry feeling when you've got all your A-list clothes back in the game
33.
Some of you were never the third friend that had to walk behind when the sidewalk is too narrow and it shows
34.
The “Netflix and chill” phrase was created when Netflix was trash. Now tho? You betta get the hell off me! This Netflix exclusive starting to heat up!
35.
Mom: “Come help me get the groceries out of the car” Me:
36.
My “ehh.. I get paid again soon” attitude really gets me and my bank account in trouble