Today, on the treasure and trashfire that is www.twitter.com, I came across this thread that had me choking on my morning cup o' joe:
What’s the funniest excuse for cheating someone has given you? I’ll go. My ex told me he cheated on me because I had a driving phobia.
"A driving phobia."
Naturally, I dove right into this thread and, lemme tell ya, these responses will have you wondering where these people got the GALL!
Here are the best responses that you'll feel guilty for laughing at:
1.
@that1mum he cheated because he thought i needed the trauma for my character development... this is not a joke he was a poet/writer
2.
@that1mum "you don't like that i walk around barefoot outside in the streets, she doesn't mind"
3.
@that1mum Because I came home in a bad mood Because I was a state away Because he was drunk But my personal favorite was “I didn’t want to wake you up” 😐
4.
@that1mum When I confronted him about sleeping with my co-worker, his reply was “but she taught me so much!” 🙄
5.
@that1mum he said he forgot we were dating
6.
@that1mum I was too busy with the wedding planning that I wasn’t giving him enough of my time bahah
7.
@that1mum he didn’t blame it on me but one of his excuses for disappearing one night was he had a heart attack and was in the hospital 🌝
8.
@that1mum The other girl bought him a Jimmy Johns sandwich so he had to pay her back somehow 🤷🏼♀️
9.
@that1mum Oh! Also, he thought I was going through his phone so he wanted to do something for me to actually find
10.
@that1mum "you are too easy to love" and it scared him...I still don't understand lol.
11.
@that1mum I had an ex literally tell me God was telling him to cheat and that it was his destiny to do it. 😂
12.
@that1mum “I didn’t know how to tell you I wanna breakup with you” well... was that so hard??🥴
13.
@that1mum He superliked my bff on tinder (didn’t know she was my friend) and messaged her. Then when I confronted him he said someone hacked him. It was updated to his current location & bio was current. I said how did that happen? Response - “I don’t know how these hackers work Marissa!”
14.
@that1mum girl had the same name AND birthday as me, said she reminded him of me... no shit, honey
15.
@that1mum She “forced him to take her number” and he “only went to the movies with her to tell her he had a gf”
16.
@that1mum My ex really told me one time it was because I go to sleep too early
17.
@that1mum My ex told me he had to because it was cold out and I was 45 minutes away
18.
@that1mum One of the many times my ex cheated on me, he told me "she has the same name as you, I thought it would be a funny story to tell you later on" it was indeed NOT a funny story.
19.
@that1mum Because I didn’t want to go bowling. Yes, bowling. 🎳.
20.
@that1mum i didn’t shave my legs everyday
21.
@that1mum “On accident” “without noticing”
22.
@that1mum he said my head was "too small" in comparison to his and he was worried that he'd always have to stand behind me in pictures???
23.
@that1mum my ex told me he was sex deprived and scientifically that justified him sleeping around
24.
@that1mum “It was a birthday present so it doesn’t count”
25.
@that1mum The vacuum gave him a hickey while I was on vacation. Never saw that boy vacuum in his whole damn life.