30 Thoughts I Had While Watching "Easy A" For The First Time As An Adult
Me: "Easy A is Emma Stone's best role." Everyone: "Why would you say something so controversial yet so brave?"
Earlier this month, Netflix added Easy A (dir. Will Gluck, 2010) to their list of titles, and ya girl was EXCITED.
I used to watch this movie all the time in high school — much to my mother's annoyance. However, I haven't watched it in almost a decade. But you know what they say, there's no time like the present!
So sit back, cuddle up with your copy of The Scarlet Letter, and enjoy:
1. OK, right off the bat — and this may be because I went to film school* and I can't NOT notice these things — but I cannot believe that Penn Badgley got billed before Amanda Bynes**!
*Yes, I'm aware of how headass that sounded.
**Upon watching further, they billed all the actors in alphabetical order! Which makes way more sense.
2. Did...Olive invent vlogging?
Olive Penderghast walked so YouTubers could run.
3. *George Clooney has entered the chat*:
4. OMG, the montage of Olive singing "Pocketful of Sunshine" is a cinematic moment:
5. AHHH Penn Badgley...despite my love for him, the Blue Devils mascot costume is LAZY AF:
TBH, I kinda like the Woodchucks. Just me? OK.
6. And so our plot begins! Again, will never understand why high schoolers care if/when their fellow students lose their virginities...or maybe it's a cliché invented by Hollywood!!
7. I WAS NOT READY FOR THIS LINE!
Can we ALL agree that Patricia Clarkson and Stanley Tucci should play cool and quirky parents in every teen movie?
8. OK, I do not condone Olive calling this girl a "tw@t," BUT methinks Nina should have also been punished!
Like, how can you call someone a tramp in English class and not suffer any consequences?? Also, slut shaming! And bullying!
9. I can't help but wonder if Rhiannon didn't push Olive for false information/listened when she tried to come clean, then we wouldn't have been caught in this web o' lies:
10. UGH, I forgot that this all started because she wanted to help Brandon, who was getting bullied for being gay:
11. I would never, EVER let teens have sex in my room at my party. Isn't that what guest rooms are for?
Even if it's pretend sex...Melody Bostic didn't know that!
12. AHH yes, the double standard of men having sex in HS and women having sex in HS:
13. HOLY SHIT! $200!! AND A DILDO!!
14. CAN SOMEONE SAY "CULTURAL RESET"?
We love a literary clapback.
15. And the PLOT THICKENS:
It's like fight club...but for fake prostitution.
16. Ugh, this monologue fucking HIT ME IN THE FEELS!
"What ever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in '80s movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawn mower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he's got me. Just once, I want my life to be like an '80s movie. Preferably, one with a really awesome musical number...for no apparent reason. But no, John Hughes did not direct my life."
17. Mr. Griffith standing up for Olive and caring about her wellbeing is why teachers are not paid enough:
Too bad Mrs. Griffith is shit at her job and provided no guidance whatsoever — even though that's LITERALLY in her job description as the GUIDANCE COUNSELOR!
18. MICAH! Why did you lie and say Olive gave you chlamydia? Just as she was becoming friends with Marianne, too:
As if I needed MORE proof as to why men ain't shit...
19. WAIT! MRS. GRIFFITH GAVE MICAH CHLAMYDIA? Not only is she awful at her job, she's also a cheater*:
Mrs. Griffith ain't shit, either.
*Yes, Micah is 20...but she's still sleeping with a student.
20. Maybe if these kids minded their business/didn't believe every rumor they heard, Olive wouldn't be in this situation:
I wish I could hop into the movie and give her a hug.
21. OK, Patricia Clarkson has worn this exact yellow dress in every scene she's appeared in:
It's 'cause she's a pocketful of sunshine. We love to see it!
*Writer's note: OK, toward the end of the movie, she's seen in a different dress, but that's OUTSIDE of the house. So maybe this is her house dress? The jury's still out. Stay tuned.
22. Once again: MEN. AIN'T. SHIT:
Um, it's not at ALL okay that he tried to force himself on Olive. Lock him up with Mrs. Griffith.
23. Re: above statement...OK, maybe not ALL men:
24. WHAT HAVE I BEEN SAYING?? MIND YA BUSINESS TO IMPROVE YOUR HEALTH!
25. WOW. That joke really came full circle:
Also. LALAINE!
26. Can we all agree that Mrs. Griffith is the villain of this movie???
Her "bad decision" was to help you...and now you won't help her? Whack.
27. I fully support Olive outing Mr. Griffith's cheating wife to him:
28. WE LOVE GUERRILLA MARKETING!! How do you get people to go home and watch your webcast about how you're not a trollop? By singing a sexy song, of course!
ALSO! She got her musical number...for no apparent reason.
29. OMG WOODCHUCK TODD!!
Boombox? Check. Lawn mower? Check. Waiting outside? Check. All we need is the Judd Nelson fist thrust...
30. AND WE GOT THE JUDD NELSON FIST THRUST!!
Full. Friggin'. Circle. Will Gluck does not miss!