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35 Thoughts I Had While Watching "Hocus Pocus" For The First Time As An Adult

I can't believe all this virgin talk was allowed in a Disney movie.

'Tis the beginning of ~spooky season~, which means I am going to do nothing but consume copious amounts of candy and watch creepy movies all month long.

Now, as the number one lover of Halloween, I've seen my fair share of freaky flicks — ranging from It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown to The Blair Witch Project — but my number one favorite is none other than Hocus Pocus.

HOWEVER, I haven't seen this film since my early teen years, and I thought the best way to kick off this pumpkin season was to do an adult rewatch of one of my favorite childhood films!

So sit back, grab the candy corn, and travel with me back to Salem, Massachusetts.

1. HOLD UP! THIS IS A KENNY ORTEGA PRODUCTION? No wonder I love this movie so much.

Opening title card for "Hocus Pocus."

2. Did anyone else crush on a pre-cat Thackery Binx? Just me? OK.

Thackery Binx warning his friend to get his father.

3. The Sanderson sisters walked so that the dementors from Harry Potter could run:

The Sanderson sisters sucking the soul from Emily Binx.

4. OK, spending eternity as a cat...does not sound like a punishment to me.

Thackery Binx turned black cat.

5. I LOVE that this movie revolves around a teen who had to move from Los Angeles to Salem, MA who lacks the ~Halloween spirit~.

Max wearing his tie-dye shirt and complaining about Halloween in class.

6. THIS MANS REALY HIT ON THIS GIRL IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS! Homie's got game.

Max hitting on Allison in the middle of class.

7. Why...is this something you would make fun of?

The Salem bullies making fun of Max in a graveyard.

8. Max is 100% every '90s teen boy LA stereotype that exists all wrapped up into one.

Max playing on the drums while wearing tie-dye.

9. ...yeah, Imma just leave this here.

Max's dad turning his hat sideways to help him better his "rapper" costume.

10. DANI DENNISON IS AN ICON!

Dani dragging Max to heck and back.

11. Alright, Max ain't shit for making queen Dani cry.

Max consoling Dani in a haystack after making her cry.

12. Anyone who hurts Dani Dennison is gonna FEEL. MY. WRATH.

Dani predicting rich people are going to serve her cider and then being offered cider by Allison.

13. Love the mis-en-scene of the Winnie Sanderson–shaped lollipop that Dani is munching on:

Dani eating a lollipop.

14. Dani drives a hard bargain, but you gotta hustle if you wanna get anywhere in this world.

Max negotiating with Dani to get her to go with him on a date with Allison.

15. AHHHH!

Max mentioning "hocus-pocus" next to a meme of Leo DiCaprio pointing at something.

16. This boi had one job: not to light the black flame candle. And what did he do? HE LIT THE DAMN CANDLE!

Max lighting the black-flame candle.

17. Carrie Bradshaw is shaking in her Manolo Blahniks.

Sarah Sanderson caressing her lucky rat tail.

18. I CAN'T BELIEVE MY MOTHER LET ME WATCH THIS AS A CHILD:

19. I know in this instance Allison is talking about the accidental death of Thackery, but every other event is all his fault.

Allison attempting to console Max.

20. IS THAT GARRY MARSHALL??

Garry Marshall in a Devil costume next to Sarah Sanderson.

21. This is also my reaction when I enter the kitchen:

22. I love TikTok:

Winnie and a TikTok teen with their hands in front of their face.

23. Winnie Sanderson singing "I Put a Spell on You" was a cultural reset:

Winnie Sanderson (Bette Midler) singing "I Put a Spell on You."

24. OK, I know they're the "bad guys," but setting people on fire is tres barbaric:

Allison and Max watching the witches burn.

25. Not only do you open the book of spells against Thack the cat's wishes, BUT YOU DON'T NOTICE THE RAY OF LIGHT EMANATING FROM IT?

Allison and Max reading from the cursed spell book.

26. Allison, sweetie. You deserve better.

Allison and Max about to kiss in the kitchen.

27. See, while y'all were mackin', Dani got yeeted from her bed by the Sanderson sisters:

Allison screaming after Dani.

28. OK, Max. This was pretty quick thinking on your end.

Max addressing the Sanderson sisters.

29. LISTEN TO HER, MAX! This is like the witch version of the double-tap rule.

Dani addressing Max.

30. TALK ABOUT GOING OUT WITH A BANG, AMIRITE?

Winnie exploding onto a green mist.

31. You had to save her life because you were the one who put it in danger after your virgin ass lit that candle:

Max consoling Dani.

32. Dani and Thackery's bond is nothing short of iconic:

Dani's human hand touching Thackery's ghost hand.

33. I'm getting serious Casper "can I keep you" vibes:

Thackery saying goodbye to Dani and Casper asking Kat if he could keep her.

34. Famous. Last. Words.

Thackery and his sister walking off into the sunrise.

35. STILL HOPING FOR THAT SEQUEL:

The spell book opening its eye.

Wow, what a roller coaster. I will say this: My POV on this movie hasn't changed in nearly a decade — Dani Dennison is a living icon and Max Dennison ain't shit.