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    21 ENEMIES OF NEW YORK CITY SKATEBOARDERS

    After spending over a decade skating New York City daily, there are many things that I have grown to resent more and more each year. If you have ever skated in NYC, you will definitely relate to this list. For more on NYC skateboarding check out the Kickstarter for Stoops Magazine, a quarterly publication I am starting.

    1. Rocks

    statigr.am / Via Instagram

    This image will make any skateboarder cringe. This is what you see after skating on smooth ground when your board is brought to a screeching halt, while momentum hucks your carcass to the ground ahead. Didn’t see that one coming.

    2. Girls

    Via Instagram

    Who hasn’t almost run into something/someone while looking back at a lovely lady? This is especially true for the summers when girls tend to try and save money on fabric by keeping the length of their garments VERY minimal.

    3. Pedestrians With Headphones

    Via Instagram

    This is New York, we all wear headphones. But you have to play it smart. Some people feel entitled enough to walk out into the street without looking BOTH ways…and I don’t feel bad when I push you over for getting in my way.

    4. Tumble Weave/Hairnets

    statigr.am / Via Instagram

    I wish I could say that this has happened to me only once, but there have been MANY instances where I have ended up with weave or a hairnet wrapped around my wheel.

    5. Salt In Winter

    statigr.am / Via Instagram

    People over-salt in NYC. I get that it is easier than shoveling/plowing, but it also deteriorates the ground significantly. You know those really bad streets that you can feel through your shoes by just walking over them? That’s from salt. Now imagine trying to skate over that.

    6. Car Doors

    Via Instagram

    Bikers get the worst of this because they are going at much higher speeds and have less time to stop, but we get it too. I often skate against traffic so I can slam the doors back closed on the amnesiac drivers who forget that there are millions of people around and fail to look first.

    7. Dogs

    statigr.am / Via Instagram

    It could be the sound, or maybe it is the vibrations, but most dogs seem to HATE skateboards. They will bark and attempt to pull their owners out into traffic to catch the offending skater. I’ve literally had my foot bitten while skating by a dog once.

    8. Almost-Perfect Spots

    statigr.am / Via Instagram

    While NYC is the best city to skate there are also just as many spots that look perfect from afar but once you inspect them, they are far-from perfect. A mirage. A tease.

    9. "Art"

    statigr.am / Via Instagram

    Skateboarders tend to be an artistic bunch, be it creating art for girls or themselves. The problem is that art takes time and sometimes we have to choose art over skating. It’s a bummer, but girls like that.

    10. Longboarders

    statigr.am / Via Instagram

    These are the bros of the four wheels and piece of wood world. They will nod at us as they pass like they are one of us, but they are not one of us. You will know them by their impractically long decks and their pushing with the wrong foot. They probably smell of B.O. and will be wearing board shorts and sunglasses. They make us look bad to those that don’t know the difference. When you hear of a “skateboarder” getting hit by a car in the city, it is almost always a longboarder…because they can’t turn quick enough.

    11. Metal Construction Plates

    Via Instagram

    When they dig up the streets, they put these large steel plates down so that cars can drive over them. They are pretty smooth, which makes them tempting to skate over, but DO NOT SKATE OVER THEM! You will hit a rock and get pitched forward.

    12. Cabs

    statigr.am / Via Instagram

    I think cab drivers have a game where they see how close they can get to skateboarders, to the point of grazing us sometimes. They do not attempt to go around us, which results in lots of incidents. Next time you see a dented cab, see if the dents resemble skateboard wheels. *This incident is where a cab ran over a skater's board because it got way too close.

    13. Soft Asphalt In Summer

    statigr.am / Via Instagram

    The summers get really hot in New York City. There are many patches of asphalt that perhaps have a higher concentration of tar (or something) than others and get really soft in the heat. As you are skating down the street these patches will grab you and pull you right back. You can literally see your wheel imprints in it.

    14. Dog Poop/Gum/Vomit/Etc.

    statigr.am / Via Instagram

    If it is gross and on the ground, we will run over it and get it slung all over the underside of our boards. Always keep napkins in your back pocket.

    15. People Confused Why NYC Is So Loud

    statigr.am / Via Instagram

    It is hilarious when people yell out their windows at 9pm to stop skating because they are trying to sleep. I think they missed the memo about moving into Manhattan…we don’t sleep. This guy was going off in the middle of a Sunday afternoon at Astor Place!

    16. Buses

    statigr.am / Via Instagram

    Just like cabs, they don’t like to go around us. But instead of grazing us, they will just drive right behind us honking for us to get out of the way. Buses could be fun if they let us skitch, but if you try they will stop the bus until you let go.

    17. Security Guards

    statigr.am / Via Instagram

    The best spots in the city are at corporate businesses or government buildings and they all have 24-hour security. It’s a cat-and-mouse chase with them every night.

    18. Jobs

    Via statigr.am

    We need them so we can live here but they make it so hard to skate afterward. Or they are only available for the best times of day to skate.

    19. Bars

    statigr.am / Via Instagram

    The biggest downfall for a lot of skaters here. For many unfortunate souls, they now log more hours every week on a bar stool than on a skateboard. They spend most of the time talking about skating, and they are ALWAYS “going to skate in the morning.”

    20. Girlfriends

    statigr.am / Via Instagram

    Girls in NYC love skateboarders, but they once they lock one down, they don’t like them actually skateboarding. Those skaters who haven’t been lost to the bar have definitely been lost to a significant other. Those relationships will end and they will be back, however.

    21. This Winter

    statigr.am / Via Instagram

    Seriously, though! Will it please end already?!

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