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The 10 Phases Of Watching The Bachelor

It started out great. It's not ending up that way.

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5. Oh, He Doesn't Actually Say Anything

There is no conversation happening here. The women come in, explain they're feeling weird about dating a man who's dating 15 other women, and he kisses them and then they are happy. Oh and he touches their faces a lot. There is much face touching and reassuring and there is a big fat goose egg of actual conversation taking place.

6. I Don't Wanna Looka Him


It doesn't matter what I think about Clare and her over enthusiasm. She didn't deserve to be shamed for HIS decision to go for a midnight swim, and then when she cried, it was just "looka me, I don' like it when you don' looka me"? Well, I don't wanna looka-you, Juan Pablo. I don't wanna.


Am I the only one who noticed this? It's CHOOSE, Chris Harrison. It's CHOOSE, not CHOSE. Everything is already going terribly and now it's just ONE GIANT DISASTER

8. Andi For Prez


Andi spent the night with Juan Pabs and realized he only talked about himself, he asked her nothing about herself, he name-dropped, he talked about his previous overnight date with Clare, told her that she'd barely made the top 3 and generally made her feel non-important. And when she faces him with these facts, he simply brushed her off with 'ehhs okay' and goes in for a weird eyebrow grope? WE WANT DEPTH. WHERE IS YOUR DEPTH, Juan Pablo, WHERE?! SAY SOMETHING, SAY ANYTHING.

9. I Can't Watch This Anymore

We've been watching this show for like 27 years. But we just can't watch it anymore. This is a sham. A travesty. He's giving a bad name to single parents everywhere. To men everywhere. I'm wasting my time! But wait, is he going to dump both Nikki and Clare next week?!

10. Follow All the Awesome Bachelorettes

Via Twitter: @andidorfman

Sharleen, Andi and Kelly (and probably more, but start there) are all on Twitter and it is one giant amazing girl-power party. They post pictures like this and it makes everything OK again.

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