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I Got Thirsty And Ranked The Daddies Of "Street Fighter II"

Spinning Piledriver? Yes pls.

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16. Dhalsim

Matt Slay / Via

If you're into tarot card readings, hot yoga, and alternative religion, Dhalsim is probably the guy for you. His eccentricities are immediately alluring, but his seriousness and spells get old fast.


12. Sagat

Eric Yan / Via

This emo emperor literally derives power from past failures, as his Ryu-inflicted chest wound proves — but, while his physical scars are hot (both in temperature and sex appeal), the emotional ones are just too much baggage for us to bear. So long, Sagat.

11. Violent Ken

Calvin Clyke / Via

Remember twinky, boyish Ken? Meet his angrier, stronger, and hotter alter ego, Violent Ken. Sure, he may be ravaged by Psycho Power, but at least that keeps things spontaneous and interesting. Just don't forget the safe word: "Hadoken!"


8. Evil Ryu

MAO / Via

Evil Ryu, on the other hand, has seen some shit. His friends are dead, leaving him broken, nihilistic...and strong AF. He's a bad daddy with a heart of gold (somewhere deep inside), and while he may never love us in return, we're suckers for his sick bod and broodiness.

7. Fei Long

Joe Ng / Via

Fei Long, aka karate daddy, is all focus, muscle, and strength. He may be a little boring, but what he lacks in conversation he makes up for in perseverance and chiseled abs. He'd never quit you, and that might be his most attractive quality.


5. Guile

Egakuro / Via

Guile is an all-American hero. He fights only to avenge his friend's death, which means he's loyal AF, and he wears tight-fitting muscle shirts and dog tags, so you know he means business. He's got a hard-on for his country and justice, and we. are. here. for it.

4. Balrog

Harvey C. Cahn, Jr. / Via

Mmmm, yes, Balrog can throw us against the ropes and call us "Champ" any night of the week. Some fighters might be intimidated by his bulging biceps, but we're more than prepared to get pinned.

3. Dee Jay

Across5Aprils / Via

What's not to love about Dee Jay? He's always smiling. He loves to dance. He even records his own music. And it doesn't just stop at his personality — this daddy's got abs for days. Our turntables are definitely spinning to the tune of this DJ.

2. T. Hawk

Hector Moran

Every part of T. Hawk is huge: his hands, his feet, his...heart. But really, look at him — he must be great at massages and cuddles and, you know, other things. His history, which includes watching his father die (daddy issues alert!!) and being exiled from his land — also makes him acutely attuned to his feelings, so he'll be a caring and empathetic partner...who's also hot. Like, super hot.

1. Zangief

Daemon (DaemonCollection) / Via

Zamn, Zangief. It's no surprise he's our number one daddy. Those thighs? All muscle. And he has enough fur to keep us warm through all of winter. Plus he's into wearing just boots and tight trunks around like it's nbd. He loves Mother Russia, but we love our Daddy Russia, and we'll never leave his strong, long, and hairy arms.