15. If you're eating in a restaurant, you are the only table there and every staff member should wait on your table.
14. ...and nothing at the restaurant is ever good enough.
13. In fact, nothing is good enough around here.
12. You are always first in line.
11. ...and everyone in front of you needs to hurry up.
10. No one is allowed to touch the children without wiping their hands with disinfecting wipes first.
9. The family dog has a psychiatrist.
8. The family dog is prescribed daily antidepressants.
7. ...and family members steal the dog's medicine.
6. Dogs are also better dressed than humans.
5. Elderly people go grocery shopping at peak traffic times.
4. Doormen can't wait to go home because they hate their tenants
3. Every dad wears a shirt from the college he attended while pushing a stroller
2. Everyone loves eating "healthy" foods that are actually garbage
1. Loud music emanating from cars is strictly condemned
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