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Tichina Arnold Is The Funniest Mom You Know

The hilarious matriarch of the Survivor's Remorse family offers advice only she can give.

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In the new Starz show Survivor's Remorse, the legendary Tichina Arnold plays Cassie Calloway, mother to basketball legend-in-the-making Cam Calloway.


Cassie takes no shit — and it turns out Tichina doesn't either. When she stopped by BuzzFeed NY, we asked her to tackle today's toughest issues in a no-holds-barred game of "Mother Knows Best." Read on for her modern, motherly advice.

How many selfies is too many?

Macey J. Foronda / Via BuzzFeed

"I would say more than five in one day. I like selfies now! I just don't like when old people do selfies, it's just kinda weird."

What constitutes old?

"Older than me...I'm 46, so anything above 50 is just kinda odd."

Is it ever OK to ghost on someone?

Macey J. Foronda / Via BuzzFeed

"Oh yeah, I ghost in real life. I ghost all the time. Oh, I get ghost! I love ghosting. Actually my character Pam would go, 'Peeace.'"

How would you deal with someone cyberbullying your child?

Macey J. Foronda / Via BuzzFeed

"Any type of bullying — whether it be cyber, whether it be in your face, whether it be at school, whether it be on the bus — I always like to arm any young child with ... if you are being bullied, tell somebody. Don't be ashamed of it. Share it with somebody so that person can help you kick the other person's ass."


What do you do when your friend won't stop showing you pictures of her baby?

Macey J. Foronda / Via BuzzFeed

Oh you know what? Pull out pictures of your dogs! Every time people pull out pictures of their babies, I'm like, OK, I've seen 20 pictures of this kid...and then I pull out pictures of my dogs. It kind of evens everything out."

What's the best way to cancel plans you didn't want to to go to anyway?

Macey J. Foronda / Via BuzzFeed

"Always use children as an excuse. I've done it before; it totally works."

This is a classic: What do you do when your child asks for something and dad says no, but you say yes?

Macey J. Foronda / Via BuzzFeed

"Oh that happens all the time. I'd say, 'You got me, 'cause you know you were smart enough to get what you wanted.' When my daughter gets me one time, I'm like, OK, then me and her father, we team up and we get her back. So she's gotta lose something; something's gotta go."

What's the best way to discipline your child in 2015?

Macey J. Foronda / Via BuzzFeed

"OK, I'm a firm believer in the pinch, the pop, and the pluck; I call it the three P's. I told my daughter, I said, 'Look, you wanna embarrass me, I'm far better at embarrassing than you are. I mean, I have a degree in embarrassing people. So I've done it to her a few times and she gets the picture now. ... We don't do the timeout stuff. Timeout never works."


How do you deal with annoying neighbors?

Macey J. Foronda / Via BuzzFeed

"My neighbors are not annoying because I've lived in my neighborhood the longest than everyone else, so I kind of annoy everybody else. I am that annoying neighbor, and nobody says anything to me 'cause I have longevity over them. I trump everybody.

"And I'm an apartment kinda girl. My husband and I had an apartment in Long Island City, we were the loudest on our floor. I got one complaint, and it was from the new neighbors, and I told them to move and change their apartment if they didn't like it because I was here longer. Whoever's there longest, they win. You trump everybody else out. Get outta here!"

What do you do when your kids catch you having sex?

Macey J. Foronda / Via BuzzFeed

"Oh god, outside of being mortified? I would own up to it, and tell 'em, 'Don't listen. Next time put on headphones.'

"'Cause it's not gonna stop! Once you get caught, you've already broken the ice."

What would you advise your child to do if they had a sex tape that leaked?

Macey J. Foronda / Via BuzzFeed

"Ooh, um, if my child had a sex tape that leaked, I would ask her why was she recording herself in the first place, did she know she was being recorded, and did she look good. It's out there; I hope you look good! Gotta get something from it."

How would you squash the Meek Mill/Drake beef?

Macey J. Foronda / Via BuzzFeed

"This is what rap used to be about. I tell everybody, the way rap was born it was like how we in Queens knew what was going on in Brooklyn, you know, how we knew what was going on in the Bronx; you knew what was going on in each other's hoods through rap — storytelling.

"And, everybody loves a good rap beef. Ain't nothing wrong with it. I think it stepped Drake's game up. Both of them, for that matter."

On the other hand, if you were Nicki, how would you handle it if your best friend had beef with your man?

Macey J. Foronda / Via BuzzFeed

Catch the Season 2 premiere of Survivor's Remorse on Starz at 9:30 p.m. ET/PT.