13. First Trolls
You may not have been the first person in your social circle to lose his or her virginity, get married, graduate from college, try sushi or spend a night in jail, but you are certainly the first person to comment “FIRST” on that new One Direction video.
12. Activist Trolls
You have the internet equivalent of ADHD and no matter what is being written about, you have to establish the need for people to care about your cause. This is fine troll work if you are trying to promote a good cause and if injecting said good cause to the piece you are commenting on makes logical sense, but don’t go promoting saving the sea turtles on an automotive forum unless sea turtle shells are being used to make spark plugs.
11. Easily Offended Trolls
Granted, there is a lot of terrible stuff out there that probably deserves your outrage, but, instead of posting semi-anonymously or completely anonymously in an online forum of like minded people, why not do something in the real world to make a difference for whatever -ism you are for or against?
7. Boston Sports Fan Trolls
Take the standard sports fan troll, amp up the arrogance and add the baseline understanding that every league is conspiring to keep your city from winning championships and you have a Boston Sports Fan Troll. The conspiracy narrative only goes so far though given bean town’s recent successes in all four major North American sports.
6. Smarter Than You Trolls
Look at this guy, he just graduated from college so he officially knows everything. Congratulations, now please avoid sharing your advanced knowledge in the comments section lest you demonstrate your own ignorance of the world.
4. Pretentious Trolls
The Internet does not care that Kraft Parmesan is not the same as Italian made Parmigiano-Reggiano. I appreciate that you like the finer things, but I am going to go ahead saying that I have lived despite having never taken part in your pretentious life.
2. Grammar Trolls
Alright, I made a slight grammatically error in my writing, but you did comprehend what I wrote. I hope you don’t think your passive aggressive explanation of the differences between THERE, THEIR and THEY’RE is actually going to save the world, but I do hope it makes you feel intellectually adequate, because you, sir or madam, are among the worst group of trolls in the internet.
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