QUIZ: Which Bill O’Reilly Are You?

Because there’s a little bit of Papa Bear in everyone.

  1. 1. You've just woken up. What do you do first?
    1. Turn on the radio.
    2. Check Twitter.
    3. Open up the Times.
    1. Turn on ESPN.
    2. Turn on Fox & Friends.
    3. Pop in a Dirty Harry DVD.
  2. 2. Pick a sandwich:
    1. Cucumber Sandwich
    2. Lasagne and Egg
    3. PB&J on a hotdog bun
    1. French Dip
    2. Cheeseburger
    3. Grilled Cheese
  3. 3. Drink something:
    1. Beer
    2. Champagne
    3. Straight vodka
    1. Soda Pop
    2. Ensure
    3. Scotch on the rocks
  4. 4. You can't find your keys. What do you do?
    1. Tear your place apart looking for them.
    2. Call your mom.
    3. Call your assistant.
    4. Buy a new apartment.
    5. Check the limo.
    6. Go back to bed.
  5. 5. Choose someone to hang out with:
    1. The Fonz
    2. Ronald Reagan
    3. Clint Eastwood
    1. Barack Obama
    2. Wilford Brimley
    3. Peggy Noonan
  6. 6. Dress yourself:
  7. 7. Play a game:
    1. Battleship
    2. War
    3. Hungry Hungry Hippos
    1. Words With Friends
    2. FMK
    3. Have a duel
  8. 8. Someone cuts you off in traffic. What do you do?
    1. Just let it go.
    2. Chase the prick down, pull him out of his car and beat him within an inch of his miserable life.
    3. Take down his license plate number and inform Fox News security.
    4. Flip ‘em the bird.
    5. Let loose a flurry of choice words and then take your heart medication.
    6. Have your driver meet them at the next red light and ask him for some Grey Poupon.
  9. 9. Put on some socks:

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Senior Writer
Contact Dorsey Shaw at dorsey@buzzfeed.com.
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