Chris Christie Might Bring The Fully Erect Index Finger Back To Presidential Politics
That's right, FULLY ERECT.
At today's State of the State address in New Jersey, Gov. Chris Christie laid the groundwork for a likely run for president in 2016.
And if Christie does indeed run, America will see something that's been on the verge of extinction in presidential politics for almost two decades.
Once upon a time, Bill Clinton took the finger point, a mainstay in presidential politics, and modified it.
As blogger Frank B. put it, “Bill’s patented 'modified finger point' — created by bending the index finger back towards yourself..."
"...and around the thumb to 'soften' the blow of a direct point — became so synonymous with him that every impressionist on Earth (myself included) incorporated it into his impersonation."
The erect index finger can be considered offensive to some cultures, and Clinton, ever the calculating politician, rarely went there, even when attempting to make a point forcefully.
Even his successors thought it wise to go another route.
Sometimes opting to focus on another finger altogether.
But then, Chris Christie appeared on the scene.
The man couldn't care less about offending someone with a forcefully erect index finger during a speech.
For a while, Christie did his best to keep his digits under control.
He fought the urges the best that he could.
Though keeping them in check, his tactile members would sometimes telegraph their desires.
But, like Peter Sellers' Dr. Strangelove, Christie's hands could not be restrained forever, and eventually, they broke free, doing what came naturally.
Testing the waters, they started by pointing at nothing in particular.
Just to get the feel of things.
They'd go right, they'd go left, but never right in your face.
And then everything changed.
Christie gave up, and let his rogue phalanges take over.
No one was safe from them.
Now it's like they're ready to go...
...at all times.
Chillin' at a rock show? They're ready.
You want to know what a microphone looks like? They're ready.
On the radio, where visuals don't really translate? Oh, they ready.
So, now it's your turn to get ready, America, because Chris Christie and his erect index fingers are coming for you and the White House in 2016.
Whether you like it...
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