19 Things You Shouldn’t Say At A Baby Shower

“Where do babies come from?” is the least of your worries.

1. “Don’t you miss drinking?”

Universal Pictures

Only always.

2. “I would never bring a child into this world right now.”

Good, because it’s my turn.

3. “Are you afraid you’re going to tear?”

Could we not discuss my vagina right now?

4. “Have you thought about naming the baby after your father-in-law, Herb?”

I guess I have to now that you brought it up in front of my mother-in-law.

5. “This game is kind of dumb.”

This is a baby shower. Of COURSE the games are dumb.

6. “I understand EXACTLY what you’re going through! Like when I adopted my kitten…”

Lionsgate / Via damonty-rp.tumblr.com

Just, no.

7. “When you were taking Jäger shots and hooking up with randos in college I never thought you’d be a parent someday!”


Let’s refrain from reminiscing on college when my mother is sitting next to you, OK?

8. “You do realize you’ll never be able to go out again, right?”

TriStar Pictures / Via amenmollyringwald80s.tumblr.com

Do babysitters no longer exist?

9. “Aren’t you afraid you’re going to screw this kid up?”

I’m touched by your concern, but I actually plan on being a good parent.

10. “I wish I had an excuse to eat that much.”


I’m sure you’ll think of a better one.

11. “I have a great tutorial on Kegels I’ll send you.”

Universal Pictures

Awesome! So glad you announced that to everyone here.

12. “I’m so jealous you’re getting some relaxation time in during your maternity leave!”

Walt Disney / Via h-banane.tumblr.com

Yes, I’m sure my newborn will be self-sufficient during my “vacation.”

13. “Aren’t you afraid it’s going to hurt?”

They have drugs for that.

14. “Are you going to get a DNA test?”

Really? *Sigh*

15. “Are you worried you’re going to poop on the delivery table?”

Universal Pictures / Via eggmanxmothman.tumblr.com

I’ve got bigger things to worry about. Like getting this baby out of me.

16. “Your mother-in-law said she’d like to be in the delivery room with you. I told her you’d be down with it.”

Universal Pictures

Oh joy.

17. “Such a cute name! I’m totally naming my new puppy that.”

You do that.

18. “Aren’t you sick of being pregnant?”


Not as sick as I am of this public interrogation.

19. “Do you think you’ll ever get your body back?”

I have my body now. There’s just a baby in it.

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