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Can You Survive An Interview With Joan Callamezzo?

Are there any scandals lurking in your life? Joan's about to find out!

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  1. You've claimed that you're a vegan, yet you've been caught eating Chicken Mcnuggets at a nearby McDonald's. Care to explain?

    NBC/Parks and Recreation
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    "No. I do not care to explain."
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    "I've never publicly stated that I'm a vegan. I've merely mentioned that I want to adopt vegan-like tendencies."
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    "Yeah, no duh. Chicken McNuggies make anybody break their diets and healthy lifestyle changes."
  2. You posted a selfie earlier this week and used the #nofilter hashtag, yet some accounts show you're wearing eyeliner. Care to explain?

    NBC/Parks and Recreation
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    "I use #filter to describe the way I live my life, not the appearance of my selfie."
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    "Everybody does that. It's not even a big deal. At least I don't use photoshop, right?"
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    "I'm about to take a photo of you and tag it #nosyassmindyourbusiness."
  3. Your Facebook relationship status shows "It's complicated" yet you've been photographed with the same guy on Instagram for the past 7 weeks. Care to explain?

    NBC/Parks and Recreation
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    "My relationship with my food choices are complicated, not my personal relationship. I can't decide whether to cut bacon wrapped shrimp from my diet or Chipotle."
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    "We haven't quite figured out how to enjoy butt stuff so our night time happy dances tend to end with ice packs."
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    We've decided to move in together and we are having some trouble deciding where to stay. We both love our apartments so it's a bit complicated at the moment."
  4. Sources tell us that you were seen this morning wearing the same bright red dress from last night. Care to explain?

    NBC/Parks and Recreation
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    "Yes, I spent all night helping a friend find his misplaced wallet. I promised him I wouldn't stop until we found it. And you know what? We did."
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    "No."
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    "Did your source see my underwear anywhere? Actually, I'm not sure if I even wore underwear. Never mind."
  5. In 3rd grade you learned to play the clarinet. This past weekend you tweeted, "I'm so tuba." Care to explain?

    NBC/Parks and Recreation
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    "Yes. It means, 'I'm deep.' Like the sound of a tuba. "
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    "I was obviously drunk. Why would I call myself a tuba? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."
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    "I meant to write I'm Scooby because I was eating dog food at the time. The phone autocorrected to 'tuba.'"
  6. Vine videos are generally six seconds long. You only used five seconds in your last post. Care to explain?

    NBC/Parks and Recreation
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    I can only record videos in increments of five. It's genetic.
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    Using all six seconds is so extra.
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    It doesn't take six seconds to remind the world of greatness.
  7. We found Youtube footage of you shouting "YAS QUEEN!" However, you're not affiliated with any royalty. Care to explain?

    NBC/Parks and Recreation
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    "I was drunk again, okay? What like you do drink, Joan Callamezzo?"
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    "'Yas Queen' represents empowerment. When I say it, I invigorate my life and the other queens around me. It's a unifier and deserves to be shouted every day."
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    "Someone said it to me the other day and it sounded like something youths say. So now I say it."
  8. You made a choreography video to the song Formation by Beyoncé, but there were five people in the video which would make it a five-mation. Care to explain?

    NBC/Parks and Recreation
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    "Do I need to explain American english to you, Joan?"
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    "A formation is not a four-mation. But a Joan Callamezzo is a Moan Callamezzo when she is alone with her producer in the closet. Yeah, we all heard you."
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    "I can't explain Beyoncé to you. You're too old. Go home, old lady."
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