1. You go through more eggs in a week than most 24 hour bakeries.
I knew I was a breakfast person.
2. Your creativity has skyrocketed.
Bananas Foster pancakes? Yeah you’ve got a recipe for that. Want a burger? Make a “bun” out of portabello mushrooms, obviously. Want chocolate chip cookies? Totally do-able.
Yeah, “inventive” is pretty much your middle name.
You can eat endless amounts of bacon and no one will say a word. Not. A. Word. I can’t eat pork (#jewishgirlproblems) but I love my fake-bacon, beef bacon.
Even so, you don’t devour it as much as everyone thinks that you do because you’re worried about all of the extra preservatives that might be present in it.
4. You can be a couch (sweet) potato and still see results.
I’m not different from you. As much as I love to run, swim, and horseback ride, and reap the benefits, I’d still rather look fit than be fit. And with a Paleo lifestyle, that’s very possible. The saying that “abs are made in the kitchen” is very true. When you’re nourishing your body, not destroying it, you can log fewer hours at the gym and still see incredible results.
5. You’re reluctant to kiss your significant other after happy hour.
I could practically taste the beer on his lips. Do I have to count that as a “cheat” meal?
6. You jump for joy when you find that there’s a meat sale at your local grocery store.
Get in my belly!
And for those of us that keep kosher, it’s an even bigger deal. (That stuff’s expensive!!)
7. You have a new “usual” at your sushi place.
Instead of all the tempura you can eat, you now ask the waiter what your “non-fried, no rice, no soy” options are.
You usually end up with pricey sashimi. And find that you love it. And sometimes (always) have midnight cravings for it.
8. Everyone knows about your new Paleo lifestyle.
And it’s not even like you’re doing it to be “preachy” or obnoxious. It’s more of an attempt to explain why I can’t eat those homemade cupcakes you brought to class or why we should cook dinner together instead of trying out that new pizza place. I really don’t mean to be rude, but I’m apologizing in advance for the “holier-than-thou” tone of voice that may or may not accompany the explanation.
9. You woke up this morning with a bangin’ body.
Even if (like me) you aren’t on the Paleo diet to lose weight, but for medical reasons, one of the biggest perks of Paleo lifestyle is the weight loss. You begin to look and feel lean and toned because your body is now using the stored fat for energy. The fat literally melts off off (if you follow the diet correctly), and the results are astounding.
11. You have a legitimate reason to devour heaping bowls of guacamole in one sitting.
And G-d, it’s great. Who needs tortilla chips when you can dive in headfirst with a spoon?
12. Your new worst enemy is sugar.
How does that even have sugar?!? Not even meat or pico de gallo is safe from the white crystals of death…
13. You eat steak for breakfast and scrambled eggs for dinner.
You don’t know me. Screw your “suggested breakfast foods”.
14. You develop severe cases of “Caveman Crankiness” at the most inconvenient moments.
Yeah, you would be cranky too if you hadn’t had more than 100g of carbs daily for the past six months. There are some days where I would trample my own grandmother for a Kit-Kat bar. Don’t even ask me what I would do for a bowl of pasta. *Sigh* Don’t judge me.
15. You always have a jar of coconut oil on hand.
You start using Coconut Oil like Mr. Portokalos uses Windex in “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”. It’s the end-all, cure-all for dry hair, chapped lips, skin moisturizer, and has so many other household purposes.