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You Are Not Prepared For The Zombie Outbreak

And neither am I. Despite the best efforts of pop culture to teach us survival, it has still woefully failed.

Over the last couple of days, it has become obvious that the end times are near. Zombies are in Florida, among other places, and have come to bring civilization to its knees. But we of the Internet aren’t worried, some might even call us cocky or a little sociopathic in wishing zombie apocalypse on an unsuspecting populace. But that’s because we know we’re savvy. We’ll survive because we’ve seen the movies, studied the television shows and read the books. Pop culture has prepared us. Except it hasn’t.

Pop culture lied to us. All of us. It prepared us for a world where a zombie apocalypse has already happened. Not one in which it is CURRENTLY HAPPENING. Most protagonists in our favorite undead entertainment wake up from comas or skip over the essential time when the virus/demons/corpses are spreading but not yet omnipresent. When most people are scared but not yet zombified and/or hardened survivors. Leaving us with some critical questions unanswered.

Such as:

- When do you stop trusting the federal government?

The state government?

The local cops?

- How long until your neighbors turn on you or you turn on them?

- When does it go from “looting” to “survival”?

- How do you gather survival gear without tipping off other people to raid your house?

- Once the stores are emptied, when do you starting breaking into homes/offices?

- How long until the electricity goes off? The water filtration systems? The Internet?

- Will the roads ACTUALLY be clogged or will most people try to shore up their homes?

- What do you tell your kids?

Your grandparents?

- How many people do you gather before the group becomes too unwieldy to manage?

- How many people do you send in a raiding party?

- How many people do you leave to guard your HQ?

- Can you skin an animal?

A pet?

YOUR pet?

- How much extra welded spikes can your car/truck handle?

Do you know how to weld?

- What’s the probability that you’ll end up killing another human long before you kill a zombie?

And that’s just a jumping off point. Feel free to leave other logistical or moral quandaries in the comments!