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16 Things No One Tells You About Disney World Vacations

It's the most magical place on Earth! Of course there are a few caveats, a couple quid pro quo.

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3. It's damn near impossible to walk down Main Street because everyone wants their photo op.

Professional Disney photographers, family groups, couples, forever-alone Disneyphiles — everyone is funneled down Main Street and everyone has to take their iconic picture. Including you.


5. He also did not believe in bench seating.

Image has been removed at the request of the copyright holder.

6. Fastpasses turn everyone into douchebags, even you.

More social experiment than queue management, a finite number of Fastpasses are doled out for popular rides every day. Get them when you can. Then cut to the front of the line while everyone seethes and hates you. Conversely, seethe and hate Fastpass riders who are ARTIFICIALLY INFLATING THESE WAIT TIMES, COME ON!

7. The Magic Kingdom calls the fireworks the "Kiss Goodnight" instead of the accurate "Kiss of Death."

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The end-of-day fireworks are amazing. Stay for them! But know what you're getting into. Literally hundreds of other guests also stayed, meaning you will all be herded, like the consumer cattle you are, into the monorails afterward. It'll be the longest line you stand in all day.


8. The Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse is a trap.

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There is never a line for this "ride" because it isn't a ride — it is exercise masquerading as entertainment. No one under 35 even knows what this treehouse is, much less wants to climb 116 steps to look at non-animatronic sets full of Victorian-era stuff.

11. The animals are fearless hungering beasts.

That's some nice popcorn/French fries/assorted snack you have there. It'd be a shame if something...happened to it. Whatever you do, don't blink. Hell, some of the apparently cannibalistic birds will steal a bite of turkey leg while you're holding it.


12. The "interactive line" for The Haunted Mansion is also a trap.

It's definitely interactive — if you enjoy touching things literally thousands of other people have also touched — but it's also twice as long as the regular line. It's hidden behind a fence line for a reason.

13. Speaking of, Disney is a queue troll master.

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Never get your hopes up, never believe you are close to the front of the line. The major rides are full of blind turns and switchbacks to keep guests in the dark and mollified while they wait.

15. It is damn near impossible to find an ICEE on a hot day.

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In scorching summer heat, nothing sounds better than semi-solid frozen sugar. If you crave an ICEE though, the only place to find one in ALL the Magic Kingdom is the little snack hut nestled under the Astro Orbiter in Tomorrowland.

16. No one listens to the numerous "no flash photography" warnings.

Disney is full of dark rides that require guests to sit in the dark (obviously) and not take photos every five seconds. This is an impossibly Herculean task for some tourists, hell-bent on recording family memories and blinding everyone in the process. You are helpless to stop them.