1. The Good Girl
Elegant and modest, the good girl might not have the most eye-popping dress, but at least she won’t have a wardrobe malfunction in the middle of the Tootsie Roll.
2. Daddy’s Princess
Wearing a dress able to stand without outside support, Daddy’s Princess is living the dream tonight. Sure, she can’t sit down or go through doors without turning sideways, but that dress cost more than your car.
3. The Prom Queen
Sleek and sophisticated, this future pageant dress was bought to be an accessory for the crown she is sure to win tonight. However, on the off chance she loses, the convenient slit in the skirt gives ease of access for a petty brawl in the parking lot.
4. Prom Is A Wedding Dry Run
White, white and more white. This is dress might as well have been marketed as “Wedding Day Training Wheels.” All this girl wants is for this night to be magical and perfect and wonderful and other unattainable expectations.
5. The Slut
Oh I’m sorry? Were you expecting this fierce bitch to cover up her luscious curves with excess material? Try again buddy.
6. The Lush
The lush is one of the harder girls to spot. Usually her dress contains one or more of the following elements: dark colors or bold print to hide future vomit stains and a skirt that doesn’t hinder her stumbling attempts to stay upright.
7. The Prom-Is-Stupid Girl
Oh she’s here. But only because her friends already bought her ticket and cajoled her until she finally broke down. But she won’t enjoy it. To show her disdain, there is no dress, only ironic t-shirts and Chucks.
8. The Goth
Her dress is characterized by black fabric, black gloves, black lace, a black choker, black flowers in her hair and maybe a dash of color to placate her parents.
9. The Artsy Chick
Easy to spot, the Artsy Chick usually attends prom looking as if she got dressed in the dark or rolled around in paint before leaving the house. Just follow the trail of glitter.
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