1. So tired…should head to bed
2. The second you get into bed
3. But you need to be up early…. Must go to sleep
4. Why is your bed so uncomfortable?
5. You should check Facebook
and tumblr and twitter and
6. Then you realize how late it’s gotten. You should really get some sleep.
7. But your head is so full of thinking
8. Aaaaaand suddenly you remember every scary movie you’ve ever seen ever
10. You’re definitely getting hungry…
11. “If I fall asleep now I’ll get 5 hours sleep…If I fall asleep now I’ll get 4 hours sleep…”
12. Maybe if you wrap yourself up tightly in these blankets, that works for babies you know
13. NOTHING WORKS YOU’RE INCURABLE
14. You wish there was a trigger mechanism for sleep
15. Did you leave the oven on?
16. Okay back to bed, totally able to fall asleep now
17. Think of every embarrassing thing you’ve ever done and get super uncomfortable thinking about how awkward you are
18. Why can’t you just turn off your brain?
19. You will never sleep again
- President Donald Trump has commented on yesterday's massive Women's Marches asking, "why didn't these people vote?"
- Kellyanne Conway says White House press sec. Sean Spicer didn't lie about crowd size at Trump's inauguration. He gave "alternative facts."
- Members of the national security community reacted with shock after Trump attacked his critics while giving a speech at CIA headquarters.
- "SNL" paused the laughs for a moment last night to pay tribute to former President Barack Obama.