8 Things Everyone Thinks They Already Know About Sex But Do They Actually?

You only have consent if you're both actually up for it.

© Julia Broughton for BuzzFeed

© Julia Broughton for BuzzFeed

You can't assume that someone wants to sleep with you just because they've gone back to yours; they still have to actually give their consent. Another thing: You can't pressure someone into having sex with you just because they're staying over.

© Julia Broughton for BuzzFeed

Even if your partner hasn't said the word "no", it doesn't mean that they want to sleep with you. Pay attention to their body language: If they freeze up, are tense, or go silent, these are signs that they're saying "no" in another way. If they push you away, that's a "no", too.

© Julia Broughton for BuzzFeed

If you intimidate, threaten, or pressure someone into having sex, they haven't actually given consent "freely" – i.e. they've said "yes" because you've made them feel like they have to.

For example, if you tell someone to drink alcohol or take drugs so they'll be more likely to have sex, that's coercion. If you say, "if you love me, you'll have sex with me", you're guilt-tripping someone into doing what you want – and that's still coercion.

© Julia Broughton for BuzzFeed

If you're having sex with someone while they're awake, but then they fall asleep or pass out, you have to stop having sex. Why? Because once someone is passed out, too drunk, or asleep, it means they can't give consent anymore. People can only give consent when they are fully conscious.

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Someone can change their mind and want to stop fooling around at any time – including during the middle of sex. And once they have changed their mind, it means they've taken away their consent, and you have to stop. You can't pressure them to carry on either just because you want to.

© Julia Broughton for BuzzFeed

Someone might have said "yes" to having sex before, but they have to say "yes" every time you do it – otherwise you don't have consent. Whether you're having sex for the first time or the 31st time, you need to get the go ahead every time.

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No matter whether they say "yes", if someone is younger than 16, the law says they aren't old enough to consent to sex. This applies to any type of sex, including oral.

© Julia Broughton for BuzzFeed

They might be down for doing one kind of thing with you, but you can't assume they want to other stuff as well. Your partner has to give consent for every type of act you do. You can't pressure them into doing a particular act with you just because they've done something else with you.

Consent is only consent when you're both actually up for it –and if you're not sure you've got it, don't take the risk.

Do you have questions about consent? Find the answers you're looking for, and more, at the Disrespect Nobody website.

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