To the People and the Place That Saved My Life:
You always assured me that we would get here. To the point where I loved myself enough to allow myself to eat. To a time when mindfulness would be more than something you forced me to do in group. You said that I was more than the mistakes that I had made. You promised me that if I could just trust the process, I would finally live a normal life. You said you wouldn't give up on me, but still, I didn't believe you.
You promised me that my thoughts were just that, thoughts. You told me that, if I really believed in myself and in you, I could be the one calling the shots in my life instead of the monster inside of my head. Still, I would not listen.
You watched me disobey you over & over again. You saw me make frustrating, completely avoidable mistakes time & time again. When it came down to you and me, you always forgave me first. You saw me dump my nutritional supplements down the trash. You saw me hide my food. You got me a new supplement.. you added on what I didn't eat. Still, I wouldn't trust you.
I told you that you were just paid to care about me. I let the vile thing inside of me put its words in my mouth. I told you that after you get off of work, you just go back home to your normal life, and think about how horribly crazy your clients are. You told me you wanted what was best for me. I spit back "That's bulls**t. You just want to get rid of me." But still, you believed in me.
When I come back to see you, I feel like I'm home. You, the place and the people who I rejected most, are the ones I have to thank for my sanity and for a second chance at life. You always told me I was the only one who could make me recover, and you were right. And I did it. And I found that your words were true all along. And that even though I couldn't hear them then, I own them now.
Thank you for turning the most cynical, broken person with an inability to trust into the one you see today. I'll wear this medallion & keep it close to me for the rest of my life.
Your Recovery Ambassador and Alumni,