If you're in your twenties and thirties right now, there's a non-zero chance that you grew up listening to the kind of emo music created by boy bands where everyone wore Hot Topic skinny jeans, straightened their hair, and just completely dripped with a specific type of sexual magnetism that changed you forever.
Lately, as a full-grown 26-year-old "adult," I've been wondering what all those ~singer boys~ have been up to lately. Like, are they all married? Are they still with the band? Have I totally missed the time window when I could have run away with one of them on a tour bus into the Warped Tour sunset??
So obviously, I started to do some research on the biggest crushes I'd had over those awkward "I think I identify as emo but also I'm maybe open to being scene, who knows, please follow my Tumblr" teenage years — and here's what I found out:
1. First, Alex Gaskarth, aka that guy with ~the~ voice from All Time Low, has a side project with Blink-182's Mark Hoppus called Simple Creatures. He's also been tweeting about rosemary bread.
2. Pete Wentz, the bassist from Fall Out Boy responsible for 99% of our generation's sexual awakening, has long hair, three kids, and is still with the band!
3. Patrick Stump, the other notorious Fall Out Boy heartthrob, is also still with the band, and on the side, he's been composing film scores.
4. Nick Santino, the frontman with amazing hair from A Rocket to the Moon, was in a different band for a bit, but he's also been working as a graphic designer.
5. Travie MCoy, the guy with great hats from Gym Class Heroes, has been rocking a huge solo rapper/singer/songwriter career, and you can probably see him perform this summer!
6. John O'Callaghan and the rest of The Maine are still going strong — they just released their seventh album in March!
7. Christofer Drew, from Never Shout Never, just wrapped up a final world tour with the group last winter.
8. Travis Clark, the one with the luscious red hair from We the Kings, is married and has two kids, with a third on their way.
9. Derek Sanders and Mayday Parade played at the very last Warped Tour during summer 2018, and they're still touring this summer for Sunnyland, their sixth album.
10. Gerard Way, the My Chemical Romance lead who taught us all how to use eyeliner properly once and for all, has been writing comic book series — and you can watch the TV adaptation of his book The Umbrella Academy on Netflix!
11. Meanwhile, Mikey Way, the MCR bassist, has been cowriting a comic called Collapser that's coming out next month via DC Comics.
12. Maika Maile, the singer with the verrrry moody eyes from There for Tomorrow, has been putting a few singles out on Spotify and also has turned into quite a silvery fox.
13. Brendon "Panic! at the Disco" Urie has been doing State Farm ads, lol, and also released that song "Me" with you know who earlier this spring.
14. Josh Farro, the cute brother from Paramore who got all the attention, has his own solo project called Farro, which released its first album in 2016. He also apparently leads worship services at a church in Nashville.
15. Martin Johnson from Boys Like Girls is now the frontman for a new wave band called The Night Game, and he was recently dubbed "the most exciting frontman since Bruno Mars," which I honestly believe.
16. Tyson Ritter, The All-American Rejects guy, has been leveling up his acting career: He was in the AMC show Lodge 49 last year and now plays a recurring character in Preacher.
17. Andrew McMahon, of Something Corporate/Jack's Mannequin fame, released his third solo album in 2018 and is touring this summer/fall under the moniker of "Andrew McMahon in the Wilderness."
So, what did we learn today, kids? First and foremost: that even the most punk rock emo boi of your dreams will one day grow up and turn into a (still pretty hot) dad. And secondly, most of these guys are still out there making music in some way or another, which is also very encouraging and lovely. My still-beating emo heart is content.
Tyson Ritter played Emma Stone's romantic interest in The House Bunny, not Anna Faris's, as some of you eagle-eyed commenters pointed out. Niiiice catch!