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    Dec 2, 2017

    17 Times Twitter Was Clearly Too High For Its Own Good

    "Marijuana is the gateway drug to taking 45 minutes to pick out which color Gatorade you want to buy."


    It's really hard to explain that your eyes are really red from allergies and not weed when you're buying cupcakes and a pound of Doritos.

    @Awk0Tacoo / Via Twitter: @Awk0Tacoo


    me: what time is it? tour guide: 4:20 me: how can you tell? tour guide: See how high the sun is? [sun is eating spaghettiOs with a spatula]

    @Gre_Gone / Via Twitter: @Gre_Gone


    Marijuana is the gateway drug to taking 45 minutes to pick out which color Gatorade you want to buy.

    @Elizasoul80 / Via Twitter: @Elizasoul80


    i only go on ebay after i smoke pot that way i'm always the highest bidder thank you check please

    @sbellelauren / Via Twitter: @sbellelauren


    This is chuck e. He smoked marijuana once. This is what weed does to you. Don't be like chuck e

    @SatansTongue / Via Twitter: @SatansTongue


    When you're high af and a song with police sirens come on:

    @StonersBible / Via Twitter: @StonersBibIe


    I saved money on car insurance by taking weed edibles and becoming too afraid of the ceramic dog on my front porch to leave the house.

    @primawesome / Via Twitter: @primawesome


    @FurysFightPicks / Via Twitter: @FurysFightPicks


    Once I got so high I turned off all the lights and played Thriller on my headphones and got so scared I put on my bike helmet just in case.

    @KyleKinane / Via Twitter: @kylekinane


    Ever get so high you have to turn the volume down on the TV to taste your food?

    @Slashleen / Via Twitter: @Slashleen


    Maybe cats can smell weed just as well as dogs, they're just not FUCKING NARCS.

    @chelsea_davison / Via Twitter: @chelsea_davison


    Who is the idiot that called it "possession of marijuana" and not "joint custody"?

    @daemonic3 / Via Twitter: @daemonic3


    Me: If male twins & female twins from separate families procreate will their kids look the same? Guy: I can't sell you anymore weed.

    @primawesome / Via Twitter: @primawesome


    Ever been so high you realize that you've been watching a movie on TV for 30 minutes, minimized, on the guide screen?

    @PaulyPeligroso / Via Twitter: @PaulyPeligroso


    *hits blunt* If we get out of the shower clean, how do our towels get dirty? #hitsblunt

    @hitsablunt_ / Via Twitter: @hitsablunt_


    @CarlyGanzz / Via Twitter: @CarlyGanzz


    Before I knew what weed was I thought all the cool kids were gesturing to each other about sucking tiny rat dicks behind the school.

    @Ceejoyner / Via Twitter: @ceejoyner

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