1.
this is the craziest eight-word story i have ever read
2.
me when someone is flirtin with my man
3.
thank you Smithsonian Mag for this profile of me!!! 😊 https://t.co/FrZ3NlMC2u
4.
i don't get out of bed for less than $150, mailed to me by check in 6-8 weeks after sending 3 follow up emails, a day
5.
[my dermatologist skateboards into the exam room] "my dude ur moles are hella malignant 🤙🏻🤙🏻🤙🏻"
6.
This Halloween I plan to dress in all black and say that I am "your inner demons". UNRELATED: still trying to find that special someone!
7.
when u hear someone crying while screaming "it's my fucking birthday" u kno it's scorpio season
8.
me: this edible ain’t shit me 30 minutes later:
9.
when i respond to an email with a period instead of an exclamation mark
10.
Me at the start of 2017 vs me at the end of 2017
11.
just accidentally clicked "Sort by Price: High to Low" like some kind of child emperor
12.
The Ring (2002)
13.
volcanoes are just goth mountains
14.
be the pink Himalayan salt lamp you wish to see in the World Market
15.
Haunted by a ghost that hates confrontation they just leave notes on my bathroom mirror like "saw u werent scared by me last nite whats up?"
16.
RIP all the stories I started telling but never finished because I went off on a tangent then forgot what I was originally talking about.
17.
Me walking in to school after being suspended