Skip To Content
    This post has not been vetted or endorsed by BuzzFeed's editorial staff. BuzzFeed Community is a place where anyone can create a post or quiz. Try making your own!

    23 Tweets About Lawyers And Trials That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

    "Great, I clicked 'start your free trial' and now I'm convicted of murder."

    1.

    Great, I clicked on “Start Your Free Trial” and now I’m convicted of murder.

    2.

    Certain people have been making rather malicious remarks about my early retirement from the courtroom. But I don't like to judge.

    3.

    [me] I rest my case, Your Honor [judge] all you did was stuff squirrels into your briefcase [me as they're escaping] MY EVIDENCE

    4.

    me: no one can hear you scream in space my lawyer: u gotta stop saying weird shit to the judge man

    5.

    A centaur except it's your dad with the internal organs of a horse and now I'm on trial for science crimes

    6.

    ME: You'll be hearing from my lawyer! [later] MY LAWYER (texting): Heyyy what are you up to ;)

    7.

    Judge: I sentence you to life in prison Defendant: NOOOO MY ONLINE PRESENCE

    8.

    My closing argument ("Does my client The Nun Strangler look like a strangler?") was so bad they executed him, and me

    9.

    "Ugh here he comes with his weird small talk" [i stroll up] Hey guys. Can you believe judicial review wasn't originally in the constitution

    10.

    11.

    I think these excerpts from the Supreme Court Hearing on gay marriage are rather telling:

    12.

    [judge at restaurant] "I will try... the lobster" [2 hours later] "I find the lobster guilty of money laundering and embezzlement"

    13.

    Jury: We find the defendant so guilty, he's swung around to innocent, like going over the top of a swing set Judge: I'm going to allow this.

    14.

    Judge: and how does the defendant plead Lawyer: like this your honor *makes whiny voice *nooo I didn’t do any crimes* Judge: HAH do it again

    15.

    LAWYER: May I approach the bench? JUDGE: You may. LAWYER: [Walks up and whispers] That other guy is being, like, super mean right now.

    16.

    Objection your honor. How could my client commit murder when he's been trapped in a vending machine since the age of 9

    17.

    If I were a judge, every time I drank 24 beers I'd say, "case dismissed" and my wife would leave me but it would be for unrelated reasons.

    18.

    My attorneys have advised that I not yell timber, even if it's going down

    19.

    permission to cry, your honor "denied." that.......[chokes up] just makes me really sad.

    20.

    Nervous around the person you like? Sue them. They'll be forced to see you in court, well dressed & in control. Let the law be your wingman.

    21.

    "Jerk off motion to dismiss, Your Honor." "Jerk off motion denied, Rad Lawyer."

    22.

    LAWYER: Is it true that you haven't fed your Tamagotchi in over 15 years? PERSON IN THE BACK: Murderer! JUDGE: [Banging gavel] Order! Order!

    23.

    me: OBJECTION, your honor judge: sustained. me: [whispers to client] i forget, does that mean yes

    Did you know you can sign up for a BuzzFeed Community account and create your own BuzzFeed posts? Get started here!

    Create your own post!

    This post was created by a member of the BuzzFeed Community.You can join and make your own posts and quizzes.

    Sign up to create your first post!

    BuzzFeed Daily

    Keep up with the latest daily buzz with the BuzzFeed Daily newsletter!

    Newsletter signup form