1. Hippo @InternetHippo Great, I clicked on “Start Your Free Trial” and now I’m convicted of murder. 09:12 PM - 20 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. Frank Whitehouse @WheelTod Certain people have been making rather malicious remarks about my early retirement from the courtroom. But I don't like to judge. 01:34 AM - 18 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. ibid @ibid78 [me] I rest my case, Your Honor [judge] all you did was stuff squirrels into your briefcase [me as they're escaping] MY EVIDENCE 04:16 PM - 09 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. chuuch @ch000ch me: no one can hear you scream in space my lawyer: u gotta stop saying weird shit to the judge man 05:59 AM - 09 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. Pixelated Boat @pixelatedboat A centaur except it's your dad with the internal organs of a horse and now I'm on trial for science crimes 10:26 AM - 16 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. Hippo @InternetHippo ME: You'll be hearing from my lawyer! [later] MY LAWYER (texting): Heyyy what are you up to ;) 10:26 PM - 28 Dec 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. It's Abby. Yep @abbycohenwl Judge: I sentence you to life in prison Defendant: NOOOO MY ONLINE PRESENCE 07:37 AM - 20 Dec 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. Pixelated Boat @pixelatedboat My closing argument ("Does my client The Nun Strangler look like a strangler?") was so bad they executed him, and me 04:30 AM - 24 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. Hippo @InternetHippo "Ugh here he comes with his weird small talk" [i stroll up] Hey guys. Can you believe judicial review wasn't originally in the constitution 04:45 PM - 05 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. Jess @jessokfine Vapes during your deposition 03:07 PM - 25 Jun 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. Marshall Arts @mattytalks I think these excerpts from the Supreme Court Hearing on gay marriage are rather telling: 08:31 PM - 28 Apr 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. Fred Delicious @Fred_Delicious [judge at restaurant] "I will try... the lobster" [2 hours later] "I find the lobster guilty of money laundering and embezzlement" 03:01 PM - 24 Apr 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. Living Marble @living_marble Jury: We find the defendant so guilty, he's swung around to innocent, like going over the top of a swing set Judge: I'm going to allow this. 03:57 PM - 21 Apr 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. TheRollman @Rollmaninoz Judge: and how does the defendant plead Lawyer: like this your honor *makes whiny voice *nooo I didn’t do any crimes* Judge: HAH do it again 09:06 AM - 05 Apr 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. Jamie Woodham @jwoodham LAWYER: May I approach the bench? JUDGE: You may. LAWYER: [Walks up and whispers] That other guy is being, like, super mean right now. 02:03 AM - 20 Feb 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. Fred Delicious @Fred_Delicious Objection your honor. How could my client commit murder when he's been trapped in a vending machine since the age of 9 10:38 PM - 03 Jan 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. ibid @ibid78 If I were a judge, every time I drank 24 beers I'd say, "case dismissed" and my wife would leave me but it would be for unrelated reasons. 12:14 AM - 06 Dec 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. jonnifer lopez @senderblock23 My attorneys have advised that I not yell timber, even if it's going down 10:44 PM - 21 Aug 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. chuuch @ch000ch permission to cry, your honor "denied." that.......[chokes up] just makes me really sad. 04:28 PM - 06 Jul 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. Mindy Furano @MindyFurano Nervous around the person you like? Sue them. They'll be forced to see you in court, well dressed & in control. Let the law be your wingman. 06:47 PM - 18 Jun 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. ibid @ibid78 "Jerk off motion to dismiss, Your Honor." "Jerk off motion denied, Rad Lawyer." 05:34 PM - 03 Jan 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 22. Jamie Woodham @jwoodham LAWYER: Is it true that you haven't fed your Tamagotchi in over 15 years? PERSON IN THE BACK: Murderer! JUDGE: [Banging gavel] Order! Order! 02:38 AM - 08 Jan 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 23. chuuch @ch000ch me: OBJECTION, your honor judge: sustained. me: [whispers to client] i forget, does that mean yes 11:05 PM - 16 Dec 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite Did you know you can sign up for a BuzzFeed Community account and create your own BuzzFeed posts? Get started here!