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The 37 Stages Of Being A Shy Person At Karaoke

"Why did I agree to this?"

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1. You enter a karaoke joint, and you're already thinking: “Why exactly did I agree to come here?”

2. Right off the bat, you don't trust the character of the people singing System of a Down.

3. And reflect on what makes human beings sing Sarah MacLachlan in front of others.

4. When that really excited guy in your group says “I can't pick just one song. I'm gonna put a few in," you know it's going to be a long night.

5. Your first instinct is to get hammered right away, so as to hopefully forget the crowd singing badly all around you.

6. A friend, a really good friend, points at you and warns: “We're singing 'It's the End of the World as We Know It' tonight."

7. Then they rattle off the lyrics with ease as you just struggle to keep up.

8. “I wanna sing 'Baby Got Back!'"

9. “Let's sing 'Summer Nights' together.”

10. “I love Bon Jovi!"

11. “Let's request 'Bohemian Rhapsody'.”

12. Sitting by the other people who definitely don't want to be there and making fun of everyone else.

13. “Who exactly chose this place?”

14. "I don't know what I'm doing here, either."

15. Suddenly, they start to really insist that you sing. You, of course, pass every time.

16. They insist more and, finally, you give in and sing one song.

17. You get up on stage, DYING OF SHAME, and want nothing more than to be as far away from there as possible.

18. You start to sing out of tune, absolutely certain that you're turning PURPLE from so much embarrassment.

19. But, since you're already up there, with everyone looking, you decide to give it your all.

20. During the chorus, you try to appear marginally enthusiastic, just so you can die of shame with a little dignity.

21. When it's over, you realize that it wasn't really all that bad and, relieved, you return to your table.

22. Somebody invites you to sing another song.

23. False confidence kicks in, and you slip into the “Guess it went OK the first time?” groove and climb up on stage to sing another one.

24. At the same time, you look on in jealousy at all the people in the crowd who are terrible (but enthusiastic) singers, and hate them for having as much fun as they appear to be having.

25. By the third song, all of the shame is gone and you no longer have a care in the world.

26. Before getting back up on stage, you're already thinking: “I'm gonna burn this place down with my talent."

27. Suddenly, your together with your friends stumbling through "One Week" and you're losing the crowd.

28. They turn on your, and try to get you back on rhythm... "...chickety-China, the Chinese chicken..."

29. There's no going back though. It's not your song anymore. it belongs to the crowd now. "...have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'..."

30. When you get off stage, you've surrendered yourself completely to the karaoke universe.

31. You begin to forget the world around you and pay all your attention to the other people singing.

32. Everyone who seemed so sinister before has become the best part of your week!

33. Suddenly, you find that you're part of that same "singing the chorus out-of-tune" bunch. And you're applauding right along with them.

34. After that, you don't want to let go of the microphone and you're shouting “I wanna sing 'I Will Survive'!"

35. And you realize that, in one night, you've sung all of the greatest karaoke hits.

36. In the end, you practically pick a fight spouting things like “I'M THE ONE WHO'S GONNA SING '99 PROBLEMS'! IT'S MY TURN!”

37. Looks like the shyness has disappeared.

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