1. Angel Joker, Persona 2: Innocent Sin
If there’s anything more frightening than an evil clown, it’s a possessed evil clown who becomes an angel who’s also evil. The upside-down wings and heart medallion covering his crotch are no comfort, though, either.
2. Zombie clowns, Left 4 Dead 2
Make that fast-moving zombie clowns.
3. Joka, Klonoa
Don’t let the freeze-frame sitcom pose fool you. He’s like a Glasgow grin-sporting Pokémon you don’t want to collect but you have to.
4. Evan the Clown, Dead Rising 2: Off the Record
He’s a midget clown who walks on stilts and resembles a human thumb. He also wants to kill you with ice cream, and not by giving you an ice-cream headache.
5. Sebastian, Rumble Roses
What? You thought Rumble Roses was just a big-boobed fighting game? You pervert. Here, gaze upon this dominatrix-slave clown just to sexually confuse and petrify you.
6. Kefka Palazzo, Final Fantasy series
Nicknamed “the psycho clown” amongst fans, this bad boy is like a kabuki fever dream fueled with confetti and cryptic one-liners like, “That was titillating!” Also, he hates happiness in all its forms and eventually ascends to godhood, so, his existence pretty much nullifies ours.
7. Pierre, Fighters Destiny
If this doesn’t scare you, at least this is scientific proof that cows fear clowns.
8. Dhoulmagus, Dragon Quest VIII: Journey of the Cursed King
Just because he’s so evil that he’ll waste some of his turns in battle to laugh at you doesn’t mean he’s not fearsome.
9. Distracty the Clown, Heavy Rain
You never learn his name, but he does help kill your son. Jason!
10. Jaxson deBox, Snacks 'N Jaxson
From the game’s packaging: He’s a “clown who tries to eat his way through life without letting his nose break any windows.” Yeah, come here honey child, we’ll hold you.
11. Spike, ToonStruck
More like clownstruck! *bass-guitar solo*
12. Pint-Sized Slasher, Fallout 3
Because clowns have every right to terrorize folks in post-apocalyptic Washington, D.C., too. God, why did we pass that bill again?
13. Mr. Crow, Unreal Tournament 2004
He’s single, ladies!
I wanted to be a game-show host when I was a kid. Now I make end's meat on the weekends and cook a spicy stew all week called JUSTICE. Oh. I'm a freelancer writer specializing in tech, small biz, games and also teach at Second City and junk.
Contact David Wolinsky at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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