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20 Things Only Heirs To The Martian Throne Will Understand

This one goes out to all my red planet homies!

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1. So, you're heir to the Martian throne, huh?

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2. Next in line to govern the Red Planet of Mars, its moons Phobos and Deimos, and its various intergalactic colonies, scattered like jewels throughout the cosmos?

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"Well, I don't want to BRAG, but..."

3. The firstborn son of His Majesty King Terronius von Bloodsnout III, undisputed leader of Mars and wise guardian of its people?

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4. Let's be honest: being heir to the Martian throne is pretty awesome.

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5. Like, Princess Neblona is a TOTAL HOTTIE.

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6. And OMG... Tolstod Geb-11, High Empress of the Rittleskone Flatlands.

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7. You'll always remember the time you quashed your first armed rebellion.

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8. And the time you oversaw the construction of Detention Center B, a network of slave labour camps in the shadow of Olympus Mons.

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9. But being heir to the Martian throne isn't always peaches and cream.

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10. For one thing, there hasn't been any water on Mars for BILLIONS OF YEARS.

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"Erm, guys, I'm feeling kinda thirsty over here?"

11. And there is dust everywhere.

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12. Let's not forget those stupid royal ceremonies you have to attend...

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"This is what I think of your banquet, Lord Belchard!"

13. Do you stand, kneel, or produce sustained rasping noises during the national anthem?!

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14. And why is it even called a "national" anthem if Mars is a PLANET?

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15. But all things considered, you love being heir to the Martian throne.

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16. One day YOU will be king.

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17. And Mars shall enter a new golden age, an epoch of light in a universe of despair.

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18. May the bells ring! May the cannons fire!

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19. All glory to the Red Planet of Mars!

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20. All hail the Martian throne!

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