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1. So, you're heir to the Martian throne, huh?
2. Next in line to govern the Red Planet of Mars, its moons Phobos and Deimos, and its various intergalactic colonies, scattered like jewels throughout the cosmos?
3. The firstborn son of His Majesty King Terronius von Bloodsnout III, undisputed leader of Mars and wise guardian of its people?
4. Let's be honest: being heir to the Martian throne is pretty awesome.
5. Like, Princess Neblona is a TOTAL HOTTIE.
6. And OMG... Tolstod Geb-11, High Empress of the Rittleskone Flatlands.
7. You'll always remember the time you quashed your first armed rebellion.
8. And the time you oversaw the construction of Detention Center B, a network of slave labour camps in the shadow of Olympus Mons.
9. But being heir to the Martian throne isn't always peaches and cream.
10. For one thing, there hasn't been any water on Mars for BILLIONS OF YEARS.
11. And there is dust everywhere.
12. Let's not forget those stupid royal ceremonies you have to attend...
13. Do you stand, kneel, or produce sustained rasping noises during the national anthem?!
14. And why is it even called a "national" anthem if Mars is a PLANET?
15. But all things considered, you love being heir to the Martian throne.
16. One day YOU will be king.
17. And Mars shall enter a new golden age, an epoch of light in a universe of despair.
18. May the bells ring! May the cannons fire!
19. All glory to the Red Planet of Mars!
20. All hail the Martian throne!
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