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    Man, I Honestly Feel Sorry For Each And Every One Of These People Who Had The Worst Month Ever

    Oh, you think YOU are having a bad day?

    1. The person who gave their carpet a beautiful shade of red:

    2. The person who got absolutely bodied by the Scrabble gods:

    3. The person who will forever be jamming with their friends out in Portugal:

    4. The person whose bananas went skydiving:

    5. The person who is apparently sitting behind that girl from The Ring:

    6. The person who got a little smooch with their meal:

    7. The person who was confused for a no good, rotten, dastardly lier:

    8. The person who got a free sock makeover and is somehow upset about it:

    9. The person who has apparently been tasting their cats dirty-ass mouth for lord knows how long:

    10. The person who will never get to feast on their precious little beans:

    11. The person who just bought the saddest PB&J in existence:

    12. The person who was lucky enough to get some protein with their jam:

    13. The person who finally knows once and for all who is the true #2 in this household:

    14. The person whose neighbor is apparently driving a giant heat laser:

    15. The person who will forever hold a grudge against the squirrel that did them dirty:

    16. The person who is currently on the front line of the Armadillo Wars:

    17. The person faced with Schrödinger's delivery:

    18. The person whose iced coffee is now the eternal resting place of this poor fly:

    19. The person who only has to wait a measly 19 years to get back into their phone:

    20. The person who got but a single berry on this cursed muffin:

    21. The person who was nearly swallowed by the most dangerous device in the world — the moving sidewalk:

    22. The 2022 Mosquito Award Winner for Blood of the Year:

    23. The person whose rat friends made it so they're now perfectly set for a long winter:

    24. The person who's going to be eatin' good at work today:

    25. The person whose tattoo is apparently leaking:

    26. The person whose dog might be an emissary of the devil:

    Or maybe they just like paper. It does taste good, after all.

    27. The person who will never, ever get to find out what's in this box:

    28. The garbage truck driver who forgot how to garbage:

    29. The person with the whitest Jeep in town:

    30. The person who loves their dog very much, I'm sure:

    31. The person who had the old classic "Komodo dragon in the shitter" scenario happen to them:

    32. The person whose outlet is forever lost to the wasps:

    33. The person who goes swimming at the local pool with an infernal demon:

    34. The person who was straight up crunchin' down ants for, like, 3/4 of a cup:

    35. The person who cooked their waffles to the limit that waffles can be cooked:

    36. The person who seems to be getting progressively more and more hilarious things stuck in their drain at the worst possible time:

    37. The person who had the unthinkable happen:

    38. The person who gets to play This Little Piggy Went to the Market with a brand new friend on the plane:

    39. The person who learned the hard way about the letter "E" today:

    Person with a "Just breath" tattoo with comment, "Isn't it spelled breathe"

    40. The person who gave every person who saw their watch a little peek into their mind:

    41. The person who's now going to have to ask someone's older brother to buy them booze:

    42. The person forced to deal with Schrödinger's chair:

    43. The person who now must shamefully put tongue to laptop track pad:

    44. The person whose freezer must've just gotten back from Antarctica with Ernest Shackleton...seriously!

    45. The person whose roommate clearly has no respect for their or others' behinds:

    46. And the person whose record just got snapped away by a certain thick, muscular alien we know and love by the name of Thanos:

    Ah, yes.

    47. The proud owner of a brand new unicycle:

    48. The person who gave their window a dang super saiyan kai blast:

    49. The person who, 'fraid to say, might be the world's worst grower of watermelons:

    50. The person who's having their own personal Chicken Little moment inside their apartment:

    51. The person who will never eat a Night Baguette again:

    52. The person who apparently ordered their burger cooked well-gooped:

    53. The person who I hope likes their beverages nice 'n' chunky:

    54. The person who almost fell into the Netherrealm in their rental:

    55. The person who I hope likes their eggs with a heaping mound of pepper on them:

    56. The person whose floor shall forever be orange:

    57. The person who had a cascading rainbow of vending machine bad luck:

    58. The person who had a literal oil spill inside their office:

    59. The person who missed a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity:

    60. And the person whose friend just casually broke a million-year-old piece of amber:

    Hmm. Not great.