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    33 Things That Would Absolutely Kill Me But I'd Still Eat Without Hesitation

    Zero hesitation. I'm eating all these.

    1. The inside of a golf ball:

    reddit.com

    Why I'd eat it: I'm a big fucking idiot.

    What I think it'd taste like: Juicy, tender golf meat.

    2. Purple glue:

    Twitter: @panickedpilots

    Why I'd eat it: Well, I'm a big fucking idiot.

    What I think it'd taste like: Grape Push Pop, obviously.

    3. Insulation:

    Vasko / Getty Images

    Why I'd eat it: Did I mention that I'm a big fucking idiot?

    What I think it'd taste like: Cotton candy–flavored house meat.

    4. Lava:

    Getty

    Why I'd eat it: In case you were wondering, I'm a big fucking idiot.

    What I think it'd taste like: Planet soup.

    5. Aquarium gravel:

    walmart.com

    Why I'd eat it: Uhhhhhh...I'm a big fucking idiot.

    What I think it'd taste like: Rainbow Nerds.

    6. Cleaning solution:

    reddit.com

    Why I'd eat it: Gee, well, I'm a big fucking idiot.

    What I think it'd taste like: Forbidden soda.

    7. A petri dish:

    Medical lab tech Katie Corley coughed on two petri dishes, one while wearing a mask, and one without a mask. (From her public FB post.)

    Why I'd eat them: Could have something to do with me being a big fucking idiot.

    What I think they'd taste like: Strawberry Laffy Taffy.

    8. An eraser:

    reddit.com

    Why I'd eat them: Mama said I'm a big fucking idiot.

    What I think they'd taste like: Bubblegum that never loses its flavor.

    9. Engine goop:

    Facebook: ClubBMWregioncentre

    Why I'd eat them: I'm going to level with you: I'm a big fucking idiot.

    What I think they'd taste like: The best guacamole of your life.

    10. Calcite:

    reddit.com

    Why I'd eat them: (Richard Nixon voice) In all the decisions I have made in my public life, I have always tried to do what was best for the nation. I am also a big fucking idiot.

    What I think they'd taste like: A juicy chicken tender.

    11. An assortment of glass pebbles found on the windowsill at a random aunt's house:

    Twitter: @rosvnna_

    Why I'd eat them: Many are saying I am a big fucking idiot.

    What I think they'd taste like: Refreshing mints.

    12. The bottom of a pole:

    reddit.com

    Why I'd eat them: Legend has foretold that I am a big fucking idiot.

    What I think they'd taste like: Delicious, warm pita bread.

    13. A box of melted nails from 1871:

    snowradish.tumblr.com

    Why I'd eat them: Soy un "big fucking idiot."

    What I think they'd taste like: Chocolate Rice Krispie Treat.

    14. The inside of a tennis ball:

    reddit.com

    Why I'd eat them: (George H.W. Bush voice) Read my lips: I. Am. A. Big. Fucking. Idiot.

    What I think they'd taste like: Swiss chocolate.

    15. A bone from a Plesiosaurus:

    Facebook

    Why I'd eat them: Big fucking idiot, I am.

    What I think they'd taste like: A California burrito.

    16. Pennzoil premium wheel bearing red grease:

    reddit.com

    Why I'd eat them: Brother, I am a big fucking idiot.

    What I think they'd taste like: Sweet, summery strawberry jam.

    17. Packing peanuts:

    Marie Hickman / Getty Images

    Why I'd eat them: FUN FACT: I'm a big fucking idiot.

    What I think they'd taste like: Mint Cheetos.

    18. Deodorant:

    pinterest.com

    Why I'd eat it: I'm a big fucking idiot.

    What I think it'd taste like: Delicious lime goop.

    19. These things:

    me.me

    Why I'd eat them: Hmmm. Tough question. Probably because I'm a big fucking idiot.

    What I think they'd taste like: Nature's corn dog.

    20. The ceiling:

    en.dopl3r.com

    Why I'd eat it: The main reason would be that I'm a big fucking idiot.

    What I think it'd taste like: Slightly tough kettle corn.

    21. A long yellow hose:

    9gag.com

    Why I'd eat it: As my grandpappy used to say: I'm a big fucking idiot.

    What I think it'd taste like: A long banana.

    22. Bouncy balls:

    Twitter: @ForbiddenSnack

    Why I'd eat them: You know, lots of people have been asking me why. The answer may surprise you: I'm a big fucking idiot.

    What I think they'd taste like: Nature's gumballs.

    23. Epoxy resin:

    reddit.com

    Why I'd eat them: Inside me there are two beasts: a fucking idiot and a big fucking idiot.

    What I think they'd taste like: Rich chocolate and vanilla ice cream.

    24. Those goopy fish things:

    Twitter: @hunnnaayyy

    Why I'd eat them: *JFK voice* Ich bin ein big fucking idiot.

    What I think they'd taste like: Ice-cold lemonade after a long, hot day.

    25. Many-sided dice:

    Twitter: @diastrons

    Why I'd eat them: In case you haven't heard, I'm a big fucking idiot.

    What I think they'd taste like: Warheads, but with a gooey center.

    26. String-instrument resin:

    Twitter: @OnceUponATxrdis

    Why I'd eat it: Well, the biggest reason would be that I'm a big fucking idiot.

    What I think it'd taste like: Sweet, goopy honey. Gimme that goop.

    27. Dishwasher tablets:

    appliancesonline.com.au

    Why I'd eat them: John 8:32: "I'm a big fucking idiot."

    What I think they'd taste like: Melt-in-your-mouth black cherry SweeTarts.

    28. Molten iron:

    Twitter: @luulubuu

    Why I'd eat it: 私は大きな馬鹿だ.

    What I think it'd taste like: Spicy chipotle honey.

    29. Oil:

    Getty

    Why I'd eat it: Chief among the reasons would be the fact that I'm a big fucking idiot.

    What I think it'd taste like: Rich, almost TOO sweet chocolate syrup.

    30. Drywall:

    Triocean / Getty Images/iStockphoto

    Why I'd eat it: Where to begin...where to begin...well, for starters, I'm a big fucking idiot.

    What I think it'd taste like: Funfetti frosting.

    31. Microwaved soap:

    pinterest.com

    Why I'd eat it: EXTREE, EXTREE, READ ALL ABOUT IT! I'm a big fucking idiot!

    What I think it'd taste like: A delicious, nutritious roll.

    32. Silica beads:

    Bymandesigns / Getty Images/iStockphoto

    Why I'd eat them: Honestly? I'm a big fucking idiot.

    What I think they'd taste like: The first bite of that apple in the Garden of Eden. A baby's first lick of ice cream. Your favorite meal. Pure, moist deliciousness.

    33. A large storm cell that's hitting the Memphis metro area particularly hard:

    reddit.com

    Why I'd eat them: I am a big fucking idiot.

    What I think they'd taste like: A giant avocado.

    NOTE: Don't eat this shit! You'll feel bad! You might die! Use these products as directed, ya dum-dums! C'mon!

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