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The 33 Most Important Lessons We Learned In 2013

What an important, important year.

1. Nicolas Cage is actually Emperor Maximiliano of Habsburgo.

2. If you own a Smart Car you better have a paint job like this:

3. Few things are funnier in this world than a dog getting hit in the unmentionables with a frisbee.

4. Working out is a dangerous waste of time.

5. Shorts make the cutest dresses.

6. Never text your parents pretending to be a drug dealer.

7. If you want to master the selfie game, follow the dude's lead.

8. This is probably the worst way to be woken up.

9. Stingrays are the happiest creatures in the sea.

10. Never get a tattoo if your name is Ana.

11. Never have your wedding during high tide.

12. If you want to get someone to stop being a creep, this is your best option.

13. Chicken burgers are the biggest threat facing our great nation.

14. Drake actually wrote Hamlet right before Nothing Was The Same.

15. Taylor Swift needs to do duets with goats all the time.

View this video on YouTube

16. Russian folks take the best dating site pictures.

17. This is the official best dog GIF of all time:

18. This is the worst, most horrible thing a human being can do:

19. Dolls are still terrifying.

20. Never take a selfie at a baseball game.

21. Ryan Gosling needs to eat his cereal.

22. Conner Hart has a twisted sense of humor.

23. Nerds do the best vandalism.

24. A tattoo of yourself taking a selfie is never a good idea.

25. Don't make mistakes like this.

26. Your childhood is over the exact moment that this happens to you.

27. Lady Gaga inherited all her style from Mr. Burns.

28. 1. Don't do drugs. 2. Don't do them like this:

29. Confetti is apparently not delicious.

30. Babies make terrific plates.

31. Golf is a dangerous sport.

32. Actresses without their teeth are terrifying.

33. In conclusion: The future is here. The future is now. The future is popcorn in your hoodie.