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    90 Dumb Jokes That Are So Stupid They're Actually Funny

    Annoyingly hilarious, actually.

    Some jokes are clever, some jokes are raunchy, but these jokes are just plain dumb. That's right—we rounded up the most ridiculously stupid jokes that the internet had to offer, thanks to Reddit and Twitter. Scroll to laugh (reluctantly)!


    2. Where did the broccoli go to have a few drinks? The salad bar!

    assorted vegetables in a salad bar


    4. I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.

    an open book



    7. Why do fungi have to pay double bus fares? Because they take up too mushroom!

    a bowl of whole raw mushrooms

    8. My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.

    a flamingo


    10. Why couldn't the man find his map? Because he had lost his map.

    a world map



    13. What is a honeymoon salad? Lettuce alone, with no dressing!

    several lettuce heads

    14. You heard the rumor going around about butter? Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.

    butter and a knife


    16. Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's really time consuming.



    18. Which vegetable did Noah leave off the ark? The leek!

    Harvesting leeks. Lots of large ripe leeks are lying on the ground. View from above.


    20. What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe, you idiot!

    green and purple grapes




    24. What did the sweet potato say to the pumpkin? I yam what I yam!

    whole yams on a cutting board



    27. Why did the tomato blush? Because he saw the salad dressing!

    homemade greek salad dressing in a glass jar


    29. How do you fix a cracked pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch!

    pumpkins in a field

    30. RIP boiling water. You will be mist.

    a pot of boiling water





    35. Why did the man fall in the well? Because he could not see that well.

    a water well


    37. What is small, round, and giggles a lot? A tickled onion!

    three onions

    41. What is green and goes to a summer camp? A brussels scout!

    fresh raw brussel sprouts in a bowl

    42. I always have the temptation to sing The Lion Sleeps Tonight. It's always just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.

    sleeping lion


    44. What’s the coolest vegetable? A rad-ish!

    a bowl of radishes


    Vet: your horse is lame. Me: *looks at horse through window* he looks fine? Vet: *cleaning his glasses* he's a fucking loser Dave.

    Twitter: @endhoos

    46. Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.


    @NPR Why does a chicken coop always have two doors? Because if it had four doors it would be a chicken sedan! #dadjokes

    Twitter: @DarnGoodReads

    48. How do you make a net? You sew a bunch of holes together.

    a fishing net


    My wife told me I need to quit playing Wonderwall on guitar. I said maybe #NationalTellAJokeDay

    Twitter: @ThatEricAlper

    51. What did the father tomato say to the baby tomato while on a family walk? Ketchup!

    ketchup in a white saucepan

    52. I bought a new boomerang. But I just can't throw the old one away.

    a boomerang


    54. Which vegetable always shows up in the lost and found? The turnip!

    fresh turnips

    55. I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

    a person holding a frisbee

    56. Thanks for telling me the definition of the word many. It means a lot.

    an open dictionary



    What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter #NationalTellAJokeDay

    Twitter: @kimi8

    60. I used to be addicted to soap. But now I'm clean.

    soap bubbles


    what’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? ones a crusty bus station and ones a busty crustacean. #NationalTellAJokeDay

    Twitter: @iAmMasonLevi


    #NationalTellAJokeDay What's the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.

    Twitter: @HungryNaner


    64. How do you turn soup into gold? Put 14 carrots in it!


    65. I can only remember 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.

    someone writing

    66. Which vegetable might you find in your basement? Cellar-y!

    cut celery sticks


    Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side #NationalTellAJokeDay

    Twitter: @Emilyhewitt1989


    69. What's a foot long and slippery? A slipper.

    someone wearing slippers


    #NationalTellAJokeDay Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar... You can't tell me that's just a coincidence.

    Twitter: @AinaLove73


    Dogs can't do X-Rays... ...But Cats can. #NationalTellAJokeDay

    Twitter: @Ldn_Ambulance

    72. What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.

    a man on a garbage truck


    74. What do you call an angry pea? Grump-pea!

    open pod of peas

    75. Why are ghosts terrible liars? Because you can see right through them.

    a person and their dog wearing sheet ghost costumes



    #NationalTellAJokeDay The Past...The Present and the Future walk into a bar It was Tense

    Twitter: @leefer3

    78. What's red and invisible? No tomatoes.

    a person holding a knife and fork next to an empty plate



    Two satellite dishes met on a roof. They fell in love. They got married. The reception was brilliant. 🤣🤣🤣 #NationalTellAJokeDay

    Twitter: @DT2ComicsChat

    81. What do Winnie the Pooh and Alexander the Great have in common? They have the same middle name.

    82. What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter? Pumpkin pi!


    Have you heard the news about corduroy pillows? They’re making headlines! #NationalTellAJokeDay

    Twitter: @ajcdeane

    84. What is yellow and hurts like hell when it's in your eye? A bulldozer.

    a bulldozer

    86. Why did the tomato get embarrassed? Because it saw the chick pea!

    a bowl of chickpeas


    88. What do you call two rows of vegetables? A dual cabbage way!

    fresh cabbage

    89. What did the lettuce say to the celery? Quit stalking me!

    celery stalks

    90. Did you know diarrhea is hereditary? It runs through your jeans.


    This article contains content from Tabatha Leggett, Mike Spohr, Dave Stopera, Crystal Ro, Jessica Misener, Allie Hayes, and Jamie Jones. It was compiled by Laura Frustaci.