1. Because now you know how to properly eat a cupcake:
2. And chocolate if you’re a bird:
3. The weather won’t be this frightening:
4. This won’t happen to you:
Especially not this:
5. Because you’re not a dad at a Justin Bieber concert:
6. Because everything will go smoothly:
7. And you’ll have complete control:
8. And even if you don’t, don’t worry about it:
9. Because things won’t be this complicated:
10. They’ll be simple:
11. Because every time you peel a fruit it will work out perfectly:
12. Because you aren’t under as much pressure as Josh:
Unless you are Josh, then don’t let us down.
13. Because school is finally out:
14. Because everyday can be parachute day in gym class if you want it to be:
15. Because you’ll take the month by storm:
16. And assert yourself:
17. So get dressed:
18. Get focused:
19. And be thankful for what you have:
20. Now sit down and relax:
21. Look at this baby sloth:
22. And don’t sweat the small stuff:
- "It was a wick": Artists, friends, and survivors describe what it was like inside the Oakland warehouse party fire that left at least 9 dead.
- After deciding to end her request for a statewide recount in Pennsylvania, Jill Stein announced she plans to take the issue to federal court Monday.
- Thousands holding flags gathered in Cuba Saturday night to remember the life of Fidel Castro. His burial is set to take place on Sunday.
- "Saturday Night Live" spoofed Donald Trump retweeting weird people, just like the real president-elect 📱😂