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26 Perfect Ways To Respond To A Text From A Huge Douchebag

So many douches, so little time.

1. Be honest:

2. Send the most beautiful picture you have:

3. Use good ol'-fashioned threats of physical violence:

4. Channel your childhood:

5. Share some intimate family details:

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6. Share your deepest, darkest secrets:

7. Catch 'em all:

8. Let them know about your hopes and dreams:

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9. Make great use of Lisa:


10. Ask the hard-hitting questions:

11. Talk about Gary:

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12. Send some cute pics:

13. Channel Lucille Bluth:

14. Send a dick pic:

15. Give them what they want, even if they play hockey:

16. Tell them something sad:

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17. Plan your nuptials:

18. Use some of that Disney magic:

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19. Do some detective work:

20. Drop some B-Franklin knowledge:

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21. Pull out the vegetables:

22. Have them do your chores:

23. Tell them where you're from:

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24. Remind them of your favorite cartoon:

25. Get creative:

26. Or just get Michael Cera to do the dirty work: