Did you use to smile... before you worked retail?Have you ever considered stabbing your eyes out halfway through a shift?When someone asks to see the manager do you want to throw them through a window like that little girl in "Matilda?"Have you run out of ways to not give a shit when someone says that "the other place is cheaper?"When you meet a new employee do you feel the need to say "I used to be like you... happy... and full of life."Does it literally BOGGLE your mind every day how people think it's okay to shop past closing time?Do you have nightmares about dressing rooms filled with discarded clothes?Does the mere thought of Christmas music make you want to go to the North Pole and beat the shit out of Santa?If you never heard another Christmas song for the rest of your life would you be fine with that?Do you feel the same way when a customer spends five minutes digging for change but just pays with bills anyway?Do you come dangerously close to losing your mind when a customer says "your job must be really easy!"Do you refer to several times of the day as "Fuck this shit o'clock?"Do you want to tabletop every person who just throws their money on the counter at you?Does the word "inventory" crush your soul?When something doesn't scan and the customer says "it must be free!" Do you want to give them a free slap in the face?Have weekends lost their meaning?When something comes out to $20.22 and a customer hands you two $20 bills do you want to smash an expensiveDo you know what a "clopen" (close/open) is?Does hearing the word "clopen" make you went to just end it all right now?When you say "hi" do a customer and they ignore you do you automatically assume they're an asshole?Does it amaze you ever second of every day how customers don't realize that CLOSED DOORS mean WE'RE NOT OPEN?Do you have a strong distaste for the human race?Have you been yelled at so much you don't even register it anymore?Do you want to slap the damn phone out of people who come to the register with it?Do you wish that people could get the simple concept that being a douchebag will not solve any problems ever?Does the mere thought of mystery shoppers bring a chill down your spine?Does the "I just made those $100. How'd I do?" joke make you want to jump into a damn canyon?Is the only thing keeping you from snapping the fact that there's no Netflix in jail?When there's too many people in line while you're at the register, do you think to yourself that the world needs a new plague?But, at the end of the day, do you feel like a better human because you have had to deal with the worst of humanity?
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