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How Many Five Year Olds Can You Realistically Take In A Fight?

Finally, an answer to the eternal question. Note: you should never, ever attempt to beat up a five year old, ya knucklehead.

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  1. 1. How would you describe your physique?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Average
    Correct
    Incorrect
    Carved out of stone
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    Incorrect
    Skinny
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    Incorrect
    Dad-esque
  2. 2. Are you willing to do whatever it takes to win this fight?

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    Definitely. The rules don't apply with five year olds.
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    No. You need to draw the line somewhere, and I do exactly that with five year olds.
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    I don't know, man, maybe. Depends how annoying they are.
  3. 3. Have you ever actually beat up a five year old?

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    Yes
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    Incorrect
    No
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    Incorrect
    I refuse to answer this question
  4. 4. What's your five year old whoopin' strategy?

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    Stand still and have them come at me one by one, using their own flawed attack strategy against them
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    Swing my arms around like a helicopter, hoping to knock five year olds on the front line backwards into other five year olds thus creating a sort of domino effect with their tiny bodies
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    Incorrect
    Take things as they come. Five year olds are unpredictable.
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    Attempt peace
  5. 5. How many fights have you actually been in?

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    Incorrect
    Too many to count
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    Incorrect
    Only a few
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    Incorrect
    Never been in a fight
  6. 6. Would you describe yourself as a person that can be "climbed easily?"

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    Absolutely
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    Absolutely NOT
  7. 7. Are you male or female?

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    I am male
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    Incorrect
    I am female
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    I am male but wearing a protective cup. I am coming from football practice.
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    I do not identify as male or female
  8. 8. Do you have any self-defense training?

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    Yes
    Correct
    Incorrect
    No
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    No, because this isn't self-defense. This is ALL OUT WAR.
  9. 9. If need be, would you be willing to use one of the 5 year olds as an improvised weapon?

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    Just call me Derek Jeter
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    Please do not call me Derek Jeter
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    Incorrect
    No
  10. 10. What age group do you fall in?

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    Incorrect
    15-21
    Correct
    Incorrect
    22-30
    Correct
    Incorrect
    31-40
    Correct
    Incorrect
    41-90
 
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