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Here’s Why “Home Alone 2” Is One Of The Most Disturbing Films Ever Made

How is any of this OK? HOW IS THIS MOVIE OK?!

Let's get a few things out of the way:

We all know the plot of Home Alone II. We all know that it's the best Christmas movie ever made. We all know that it's super messed up to forget your child, the fruit of your loins, on vacation for the SECOND TIME in one year. We all know this.

Let's focus on the part of the movie that's supremely fucked up: this little boy, Kevin, straight up TORTURES and MURDERS two people.

Kevin begins his rampage by throwing bricks off a SIX STORY BUILDING and somehow hitting the person below with PINPOINT accuracy.

After being hit by four consecutive bricks, Marv is stapled three times: once in the rear end, once in the groin, and once in the FACE.

Marv proceeds to fall about 15 feet right onto his face.

Joe Pesci then begins his assault on the apartment. He hops onto a fire escape ladder and proceeds to fall onto his back.

Okay, so Joe Pesci gets up, kicks a door open, and has a bunch of wrenches fall on him.

Flash over to Afro Robber. A.R. has a huge shelf full of blue, green, and yellow paint that no self-respecting adult human would ever use to paint the interiors of a home fall on him.

After this, Marv gets electrocuted so violently his skeleton is briefly visible.

A sack of flour then falls on the robber that looks like that kid who wouldn't shut the hell up in your humanities class after he tries to climb upstairs, dying his hair white.

Meanwhile, Joe Pesci gets his (very flammable) head lit on fire and sticks it in a toilet full of kerosene.

Not only is Joe Pesci okay after having his entire body COVERED IN FLAMES, but he receives NO burns.

JP then attempts to climb a ladder upstairs to Kevin.

Both Marv and Joe Pesci are able to somehow summon the strength to give their attempt at murdering a little boy another try, only to get hit by a giant pipe and fall about 15 feet.

The two summon their strength, only to be slammed against a wall by a tool cabinet.

Finally, the two robbers fall SEVERAL STORIES down a FLAMING ROPE (once again) onto their backs.

But NOPE! They get away until a homeless lady saves Kevin by covering Joe Pesci and Marv in bird feed and having a bunch of damn pigeons tear their damn skin off.

So how does this pigeon vagrant react? With uproarious laughter.