1. First things first: You’re going to need to pay attention. Now put your fist in the center and watch everything speed up:
2. Now take a moment to reflect and be glad that this person who just got a face full of poop isn’t you:
Or the man who will never be able to look at a soccer ball again:
Or somebody caught twerkin’ in all the wrong places:
3. Now you’re going to need to get focused. So first, let’s focus on this dog. Doesn’t he look like Samuel L. Jackson?
6. And make sure your house is clean:
7. It’s also time to listen to a turtle having sex with a shoe:
8. And to learn a fun fact about polar bears:
You don’t want to turn out like Gabe Perez, do you?
Do you want to be a pancake artist?
Or maybe you want to be like this guy?
11. You’re also probably going to want to take a new Facebook profile picture. I mean, you can’t get started if you don’t have a good Facebook profile picture, right?
No, you cannot:
13. You probably want to do this:
15. WATCH THIS VERY INFORMATIVE VIDEO THAT WILL DEFINITELY GET YOU MOTIVATED!
- The Army Corps of Engineers and North Dakota police have ordered protesters to leave the Dakota Access Pipeline site by this afternoon or face arrest.
- The ACLU is suing the city of Milwaukee and its police for allegedly performing thousands of illegal stop-and-frisk searches that targeted minorities.
- Immigrants are worried two government memos are laying the groundwork for the deportation force President Trump promised on the campaign trail.
- #Peggygate: West Elm offers full refunds for the notoriously disintegrating Peggy Couch days after pulling it from its website and stores👏