The 22 Coldest Things That Have Ever Happened
And I mean "cold" in the best possible way.
1. The Thinkin' 'Bout U:
Approximate temperature: 32°F.
2. The Dick:
Approximate temperature: Arctic tundra.
3. The JK:
Approximate temperature: A copy of Ice Age on Blu-ray buried in the snow in your backyard.
4. The Olympic Condoms:
Approximate temperature: A bathtub full of frozen peas.
5. The Cell:
Approximate temperature: A toilet seat in February.
6. The Miss U:
Approximate temperature: Vanilla Ice after eating six freeze pops.
7. The Math Problem:
Approximate temperature: That girl on Are You Afraid of the Dark that kept saying "I'm...cold..."
8. The Insta:
Approximate temperature: Making sweet, sweet love to an igloo.
9. The Love You:
Approximate temperature: The coldest temperature you can think of. But, like, minus 5.
10. The Bad Thing:
Approximate temperature: The band Coldplay trapped in the Andes Mountains.
11. The Hi:
Approximate temperature: Your tongue stuck to a pole.
12. The Melanie:
Approximate temperature: The hands of your one friend with perpetually cold hands.
13. The Miss You:
Approximate temperature: The air when you immediately get out of the shower.
14. The Talking to You:
Approximate temperature: Having to keep your wet socks on all day.
15. The ???:
Approximate temperature: The Cold War if it was actually just the USA and Russia throwing snowballs at each other.
16. The Feel Good:
Approximate temperature: Freezing rain.
17. That What U Doin:
Approximate temperature: 26 ice cubes. No more, no less.
18. The Error:
Approximate temperature: 0 degrees celsius.
19. The Magic Conch:
Approximate temperature: Mount Everest, but, like, times two.
20. The Keyboard:
Approximate temperature: Whatever the freezing point is in Kelvin. I'm not going to look it up.
21. The Cereal:
Approximate temperature: Your basement if there were another, smaller basement underneath it.
22. And, finally, the 17-Month Delayed Response:
Approximate temperature: Absolute zero.