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    50 Hilariously Awkward Conversations Parents Had With Their Kids That Make Me Laugh No Matter How Many Times I've Seen Them

    "My brother, Mark, has a birthmark. I asked my mom where my birthmatthew was."

    1. The nighttime convo:

    My toddler, who was not previously accustomed to being awake after dark, just looked outside and screamed “where is the backyard?!”

    Twitter: @Tweetsnwhatnot

    2. The FaceTiming convo:

    My toddler dropped my phone while she was FaceTiming my mom, gasped, picked it back up, and asked, “grandma, are you ok???” It was the cutest-dumbest thing Ive ever seen.

    Twitter: @not_thenanny

    3. The report card convo:

    My son got his report card today and academically he did well but his teacher wrote a note specifying “ he needs to use kind words with friends “ . I asked him about it and he said “ My friends are dumb and they need to know “

    Twitter: @purestinnosense

    4. The perish convo:

    I remember when I was younger I thought perish was a good word. I was praying with my family one night and I prayed that we would all perish. The silence that filled the room is unforgettable 😂🤣😭

    Twitter: @gloriatunu1

    5. The Hangman convo:

    [playing Hangman] son: 3! me: It has to be a letter son: Oh. 9! me *looks at wife* Are we cousins?

    Twitter: @iwearaonesie

    6. The coffee convo:

    2y.o eating his lunch: “Papa’s coffee hot?” Me: “Yeah baby it’s hot, don’t touch.” 2y.o: “Me blow on it for Papa?” It was at this point I witnessed with horror, my 2y.o attempt to blow on my freshly made coffee, only to spit a half eaten chicken nugget straight into it..

    Twitter: @papaneedscoffee

    7. The lasagna convo:

    Hats off to the waiter that kept a straight face as my 5yo ordered the vagina for lunch instead of the lasagna.

    Twitter: @pro_worrier_

    8. The fireworks convo:

    Just told my son they popping fireworks for my birthday and he believed me he said “they really love you daddy” 😂😂😭😭 kids so gullible

    Twitter: @cyphdadnextdoor

    9. The eating convo:

    3yo: Mom, did you eat all the penis? Me: 3yo: You like penis, mom??? Me: 3yo: Me: 3yo: Me: PEANUTS! Yes, I ate the peanuts. 3yo: You like penis.

    Twitter: @BunAndLeggings

    10. The dragon convo:

    6-year-old: Do dragons fart fire? Me: I don't know. 6: I thought you went to college.

    Twitter: @xplodingunicorn

    11. The hog convo:

    my 10yo has learned the phrase "cranking the hog" but doesn't know what it means, so he uses it to mean "what's up," like yesterday when I was cooking: "how's it going dad, crankin the ol hog?" I love this for my family

    Twitter: @chore_daddy

    12. The teeth convo:

    When my son was 4 he saw a commercial that said "brushing alone is not enough to prevent cavities and tooth decay" so he made us start brushing our teeth with him. It's been 3 years. Nobody tell him.

    Twitter: @luciuxness

    13. The Itchy Man convo:

    kid saying hey bad guy lookout i got itchy balls

    14. The school convo:

    my daughter asked why she can’t just quit school and i told her it’s against the law and they’ll put me in jail and my sweet sweet child looked me in the eye and said “i’ll visit you”

    Twitter: @ceciatl

    15. The nose convo:

    My 7 year old: *staring at my face* Me: What is it, sweetie? My 7 year old: Is my nose weird, too? Kids are delightful.

    Twitter: @ThisOneSayz

    16. The searching convo:

    5yo asked me to go find something downstairs. I couldn’t find it. 5yo: “I’ve got an idea. This time, go back downstairs and try your best”.

    Twitter: @adamhill1212

    17. The hiding convo:

    [How to lose at Hide-and-seek] Me: [eyes closed] 1...2....3..... 4yo: [whispers] Daddy can I hide in your shirt?

    Twitter: @dad_on_my_feet

    18. The growing up convo:

    kid afraid of growing up because they have to drink coffee

    19. The bat convo:

    I bought my son a book about bats and halfway through it he shouted out, “WHAT??? BATS ARE REAL?!?!” All this time he thought they were made up for Halloween like ghosts and witches

    Twitter: @tragicallyhere

    20. The meat convo:

    kid confusing the word for vegetarian and virgin
    Facebook

    21. The hide and go seek convo:

    kid playing hide and go seek and giviing up where theyre hiding very easily
    Facebook

    22. The service convo:

    23. The sun convo:

    Daughter didn’t want “sunscream” so I put her outside and yelled “SUN.... GET HER” and now she’s flipping out.

    Twitter: @jacaristar

    24. The dinner convo:

    3: Mommy, I don’t want dinner!! Me: I’m not making dinner, I’m making you a big snack 3: Yay! Snacks! 𝗙𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗺𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗲𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗸𝗶𝗱𝘀

    Twitter: @kids_kubed

    25. The bleach convo:

    *Opens bottle of bleach* Nephew : How did you open it? I tried but it didn't open. Me : Oh it's coz it has a child safety lock. Children can't open it. *nephew looks at bottle in amazement* Nephew : How did it know I was a child? 🤣🤣🤣

    Twitter: @azedi

    26. The toast convo:

    Toddler: Daddy I want toast. Me: ok, buddy. Here’s some toast. Toddler: I don’t like butter on my toast Me: (flips toast over to the dry side and hands it back) There ya go. Toddler: Thanks Daddy! Toddlers are dumb. Take advantage of it while you can. #Dadlife

    Twitter: @twinzerdad

    27. The counting convo:

    6 year old having a conversation with their dad about counting to a million and asking what if they start at 100 will it be faster
    Facebook

    28. The fart convo:

    toddler having a breakdown because they fart and apparently they were saving that fart

    29. The Christmas convo:

    I was arguing with my husband and my son screamed "yay! TWO christmases!" from the other room.

    Twitter: @jennypentland

    30. The smell convo:

    9-year old: Dad smell this. You licked a puss. Me: [mutes TV] what 9-year old: it’s so good. Smell it. You licked a puss. Me: ... 9-year old: [hands me a candle jar] Me. It’s *eucalyptus*

    Twitter: @ramzy

    31. The drain convo:

    6 year old reveals they put a screwdriver down the sink
    Twitter

    32. The souvenir convo:

    @Karnythia I woke up to 3 yo kid #4 petting my head. I asked what she needed and she said 'i wish i had a piece of you that i could carry with me all the time. like your finger.' Haven't slept soundly since.

    Twitter: @mmbtox

    33. The mice convo:

    kid who doesn't believe mice exiist

    34. The emergency convo:

    parent asks child what they would do if they found them on the floor unconscious and they say go to the kitchen and eat
    Twitter

    35. The bedtime convo:

    a child asks if a duck is a predator late at night

    36. The salty convo:

    kid who puts salt in their cereal

    37. The inside convo:

    4: Mom, how long was dad inside you? Me: 4: Mom??? Me: What the f- 4: Well??? How long was he inside you before you had him? Me: Oh honey no I didn’t birth your dad, grandma did!

    Twitter: @mom_tho

    38. The crying convo:

    (4yo daughter is crying her eyes out) Me: "What's wrong, tutu?" 4yo (moving her hands on the sofa): "If my fingers were markers they would ruin the sofa!" Me: "But your fingers...are not...markers?" 4yo (peak distress): "I said IF!"

    Twitter: @tomerullman

    39. The table convo:

    Kids are the best, man. They get all shocked when you figure out they did something wrong like, “mom how’d you know I colored on the table?” Um, because you wrote your fucking name on it?

    Twitter: @Fiveoclockmommy

    40. The salary convo:

    4-year-old: Why do you go to work? Me: They pay me a salary. 4-year-old: Me: 4-year-old: I don’t even like celery.

    Twitter: @xplodingunicorn

    41. The Target convo:

    kid says their parent stole from target

    42. The walls convo:

    child asks if there are bodies in the wall

    43. The glasses convo:

    We cant find my 6 year olds glasses. Today we asked him where they are. He said and I quote “I threw them in the garbage yesterday, the lenses were dirty”. $400 - see yeah!

    Twitter: @jessemodz

    44. The Disney convo:

    funny conversation about a kid being tricked into going to disney

    45. The punch convo:

    My daughter just punched me so hard in the balls and won't apologise. She just said "Well I dunno", and walked off. Quarantine is going awesome.

    Twitter: @taikawaititi

    46. The chicken convo:

    “Dad isn’t it weird that the word chicken can mean an animal or a type of food?” - my kid, on the verge of making a horrific realization

    Twitter: @average_dad1

    47. The quesadilla convo:

    child gets mad a quesadilla is not a pancake

    48. The scale convo:

    child thinks a scale tells you how much you cost

    49. The air convo:

    My son keeps grabbing fists of air and screaming ‘mine’. My daughter is crying saying Tj is stealing my air....they are in my bedroom, on a Saturday morning....😪😪😪

    Twitter: @knowbuntu

    50. And the confetti convo:

    a child says they always carry confetti for emergency celebrations

    Deck quotation via here.