1. This baby won't stop talking about how much milk cost back in his day:

2. This baby has had his left turn signal on for the last 30 miles:

3. This baby just yelled at you to "turn it back" because he was still "watchin' it":

4. This baby can't drink milk anymore because of what it does to "the pipes":

5. This baby hasn't been the same since the Teapot-Dome Scandal:

6. The baby was a stunt double for Kevin from "The Office":

7. This baby just spent 45 minutes telling you a story about the "nice lady from the grocery store":

8. All of this baby's furniture is covered in plastic wrap:

9. This baby just saw you try to change the temperature on the thermostat:

10. This baby may or may not be Robert DeNiro:

11. This baby gets a senior discount from Babys 'R' Us:

12. This baby came out of the womb with a seemingly endless supply of Werther's Originals:

13. This baby just heard someone say something mean about Vice President John Nance Garner, and, honestly, is a bit peeved:

14. This baby won't stop talking about last night's episode of Perry Mason:

15. This baby is still holding onto a receipt for a $4.08 purchase of canned ham from 1978 "just in case":

16. This baby just yelled at some kids to get off her lawn and doesn't even know what a lawn is:

17. This baby just referred to Vietnam as "French Indochina":

18. This baby won’t stop explaining the intricacies of cribbage to me:

19. This baby is Danny DeVito. Like, seriously. Have you ever seen this baby and Danny DeVito in the same room?

Check out more old babies over at, funny enough, R/OldBabies.