1. The Best: 5. Wall-E
What is it that makes a great friend? Is it a compatible personality? Is it the ability to make you a better person? No. It’s sycophantic devotion. This little guy is willing to risk everything just to be able to remain by the side of his new friend, so he’d probably have no problem with scrapping his own plans to help you move a sofa.
2. 4. The Iron Giant
Look, the only reason that the Iron Giant isn’t first on this list is because he’s the size of a jumbo jet—can you imagine how difficult it would be just to throw around a football with this guy? Aside from that, however, he’s an inspiring, loyal, bighearted hunk of metal who also just happens to be capable of defeating the whole of the U.S. army in a fist fight. You’ll never have to worry about pissing off someone in a bar again. Oh he’s also in one of the best animated movies ever. What’s not to like?
3. 3. R2-D2
Palling around with R2-D2 is like hanging out with that one foreign friend who doesn’t speak great English, but makes up for it by having a swiss-army knife built into his chest (you know what I’m talking about). Still, all of that utilitarian usefulness aside, you’re really only going to be able to talk with the little guy if you bring along C-3PO, so bear that in mind.
4. 2. Sonny
He’s a quick learner. He’s able to understand and reciprocate emotion. And in the event of a robot uprising, he’ll gladly sell out his own kind just to keep you safe. Oh, and he’ll do basically anything you ask him to. Of course, that includes throwing you through a reinforced glass window down several stories to your death, so be careful how you word things around him.
5. 1. Data
Aww. Data. The quintessential Pinocchio robot. Data possesses superhuman physical and cognitive abilities, but still spends his time trying to figure out how to use verbal contractions and whistle. In short, he’s the awesome friend that will catch the ladies’ eyes, but is still just creepy enough so that once they get to know him, they’ll decide that they prefer you.
6. The Worst: 5. C-3PO
C-3PO is a great character with more than his share of great moments, but he’s also a know-it-all who has to be physically turned off just to get him to shut up. All of that would be forgivable, if it weren’t for the fact that he doesn’t know when to give an affectionate young couple a few minutes of privacy. What a socket-blocker.
7. 4. Marvin
Have you ever had that friend who always moping around? No matter what you say to him, he finds a way to turn it into something negative, until everyone else is just as depressed as he is. Well, meet Marvin. He’s got a “brain the size of a planet,” and has never encountered a task that’s complex enough to make proper use of it. So, he instead wallows in self-pity. I don’t know what you call that, but I call it a buzzkill.
8. 3. Cyberdyne Systems Model 101
Yes, this is the Terminator. No, not the terminator that was sent back to the eighties to kill Sarah Connor; this is the slightly older looking one that was sent back to the early-nineties to protect her son. And although the movie makes it pretty clear that John Connor couldn’t be in safer hands than 101’s terrifying flesh-coated skeletal fingers, there’s still the little issue of its willingness to shoot people at the slightest provocation. Also, it smiles like the ultimate creeper.
10. 1. Andrew Martin
There are so many robots that didn’t make this list specifically because Andrew Martin exists. Every stupid wise-cracking, comedy-relief automaton who tries so hard to endear itself to the audience through bad impressions and stupid sight gags is only a prototype compared to obnoxiousness that this inexplicably chubby robot manages to exude during its 200 years of cursed existence. Do you understand just what an accomplishment that is? The battle droids from the Star Wars prequels, the amnesiac robot from Treasure Planet, and every single character in the unimaginatively-named computer animated movie Robots, are all less annoying than Andrew Martin. He’s like the kid from high school who wants so bad to be liked, that he obsesses over it to the point of being completely unlikeable. Just look at the GIF, and tell me you wouldn’t stuff that idiotic thing’s head in a toilet and steal its lunch money. Yes, that may sound harsh, but seriously. You’d be better off being best friends with Agent Smith.
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