1. “Before I landed in Pyongyang, I didn’t know Kim Jong-un from Lil’ Kim.”
That line seems a little rehearsed, actually.
2. “All I know is Kim told me he doesn’t want to go to war with America. His whole deal is to talk basketball with Obama.”
3. “I’ve called on the Supreme Leader to do me a solid by releasing Kenneth Bae.”
Bae is an American who’s serving 15 years in an North Korean prison. Probably the first time the words “do me a solid” and “Supreme Leader” have appeared in the same sentence.
4. “My mission is to break the ice between hostile countries. Why it’s been left to me to smooth things over, I don’t know. Dennis Rodman, of all people. Keeping us safe is really not my job; it’s the black guy’s job.”
The black guy, in this case, is President Obama.
5. “If I don’t finish in the top three for the next Nobel Peace Prize, something’s seriously wrong.”
Yup, this guy.
6. “I’m just gonna chill, play some basketball and maybe go on vacation with Kim and his family.”
Oh, yeah, he’s going back to North Korea this August to vacation. Pyongyang is supposed to be lovely that time of year. That Rodman, so wacky!
- President Trump accused Barack Obama of organizing recent protests against him and leaking information from the White House to the press.
- Education Secretary Betsy DeVos compared historically black colleges and universities to charter schools, spurring criticism of "whitewashing history."
- A second wave of bomb threats sent to Jewish community centers brought the number of locations threatened on Monday to 30.
- PricewaterhouseCoopers fessed up to the Oscars oops that caused "La La Land" to be named best picture instead of "Moonlight."